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I don’t really do Christian celebrations. But I do have a soft place in my heart for Maundy Thursday. This is the day that the disciples got together and ate one last time with Jesus before he was betrayed and then killed.
Jesus knew he was going to be betrayed. And he still washed the feet of the man who betrayed him (Judas). And he gave the disciples bread and wine (communion) and declared love one another as I have loved you to be the greatest commandment.
There is much about this celebration that touches me. I didn’t grow up celebrating this day, I didn’t know it existed until I was grown woman with kids. But it is a story that busted down a ton of the scars inflicted on me by fundie Christians.
In my fundie Christian upbringing, I was ostracized bcz I refused to accept the lord as my savior. Yes, this is a thing. Or at least it was, not sure what it’s like now. But back then, if you didn’t accept the lord as ur savior, if u didn’t fall to ur knees and pray-
And work to get as many people evangelized and on the path as possible, u were ostracized. And the harassed. threatened, emotionally and mentally manipulated. Ground into dust. Then destroyed.
To find out that not only did Jesus not require Judas to accept hm as his savior-but that Jesus washed his feet and gave him what we understand to be communion (or eternal life)— even as Judas actively worked to kill him...
Well, that set me free from all the fundie chains and ghosts that had been haunting me.
From that point—I was able to pay attn to other things. Like Jesus saying his greatest commandment is to love others like I have loved you. And that the simple act of sharing a meal with friends...that is where he spent his last night.
This year, the disciples and Jesus’ act of sharing food together, giving each other life, loving each other—even during the worst of times. Even knowing what will happen. It is esp poignant. It reminded me of a Buddhist story-
One that I have meditated on and held close to me for years and years. A woman is having a terrible time of it. She’s being chased by people that want to kill her and then a tiger. And then while she’s being chased—
She falls over a ledge and is only not plummeting to her death bcz she managed to grab some weak almost destroyed rope. The tiger is circling over her and the rope is getting closer to breaking—when she spies a brilliant red patch of strawberries growing right next to her.
She sees the strawberries, and sees their brilliance and she feels joy. Pure joy. The end.
Now, part of understanding that story is recognizing that the basic starting block of Buddhism is that life is suffering. And once you stop fighting the suffering you will find peace. And joy in the peace.
That is what I think of this year when I think of laundry Thursday. We don’t know what tomorrow will bring. And yesterday promised us tomorrow probably is going to be a sack of shit.
But thats not what is important. What we do have right now. And right now, we can have a meal with our loved ones, even if it’s on zoom. We can love ourselves (if we can’t handle others at this point) the way we’ve always wanted to be loved.
We can breath. Even if it hurts. And we can love all the people out there who also hurt when they breath.
And that is what I hope for all of you tonight. That if it hurts to breath, if you hurt, that it is easier for you, if only for a moment. I wish for all of us, food, love, life. And joy, pure joy. Even when it is awful.
And if you’ve been carrying around bible/Jesus chains— May u be free.
