Not sleeping aaaagain because I can't stop thinking about how I messed up and lost that friend.

Wasn't even my fault as far as I know. She might feel differently, obviously, two sides to every story. I've apologised for my part in it. Instead of apologising for hers she just went off on one and banged on about how hard and tiring it is being my friend.

I mean, she's not wrong, I'm a difficult person, but I do listen and I do try, it's just I have to be told first because surprisingly I'm not a mind reader.

I've not been sleeping, I feel sick all the time, the guilt is crushing me and I haven't even done anything. I feel like I'm being gaslit.

The thing is, her ex would kick off at her and then vanish from contact for days, and she hated that, and I was there for her and she knew it was shitty, and now she's doing it to me???

I'm probably gonna delete this thread eventually but I just needed to get it out of my system AGAIN. I've spoken to friends and strangers and I even posted on fuckin AITA but the one person I need to talk to is ignoring me and it HURTS goddammit.

Maybe I am as horrendous as she says I am.