AMERICA: Oh my god! Coronavirus! What should we do?
CA: Shut down your state.
AMERICA: Wait... what? Why?
CA: Because 40 million people live here and we did it early, & it’s working.
OH: Whoa-whoa-let’s not be hasty now. Trump said that this whole coronavirus thing is a dem hoax.

CA: He also said that windmills cause cancer. Shut down your state.
TX: But Trump said that we only have 15 cases and soon it'll be zero.
CA: Trump can’t count to 15. Nor even spell it. Shut down your state.
NJ: Us too?
CA: Yes, you guys too. Just like when Christie shut down

the bridge, but it’s your whole state.
FL: But what about all these kids here on spring break? They spend a lot of $ here!
CA: Those kids invented tide pod challenge. Shut down your state.
LA: But wait let’s have Mardi Gras 1st. It entertains people.
CA: It also kills them. Shut

it down.
GA: Ok well how about we keep the state open for all of our mega churches? Maybe we can all pray really hard until the coronavirus just goes away!
CA: Which is working like a charm for mass shootings. Jesus told us to tell you to shut down your state.
OK: What about the

tigers?
CA: What about a dentist. Shut it down.
WY: Hold up, maybe we should go county by county like the president said.
CA: Stop acting like there are counties in WY. There are no counties in WY. WY is a county. Shut it down.
PA: But big coal.
CA: But big death. Shut it.

WEST VIRGINIA: But we were the last state to get coronavirus!
CALIFORNIA: And don’t make us explain to you why that was. Shut it down.
NORTH CAROLINA: But the republican national convention is coming here!
CALIFORNIA: SHU... ok fine, do what you want.