are you always angry at yourself for not living up to your own expectations?

and so obsessed with self-improvement that you don’t notice any progress you’ve already made?

constantly focusing on what “flaw” to fix next?

and feel like you’ll never be satisfied?

...yeah, me too.

hahahaha it’s almost like people with #ADHD spend our formative years being constantly criticized

and then internalize all that shame

because people made us feel like it was our fault that we were struggling

you know when you’re suddenly motivated to make an overambitious to-do list with 18 things on it

but only end up finishing 2 tasks, so you feel like a failure?

even though doing 2 things is better than 0 things?

it’s like that, but with personal habits

https://twitter.com/valacosa/status/1248419658962595840?s=21 https://twitter.com/valacosa/status/1248419658962595840

i’m finally working through all this in therapy

realizing that for as long as i can remember, i’ve deemed myself defective/unacceptable in my natural state

that the only things i see about myself are things i’m doing “wrong”

and blaming myself for not being able to “fix” them

#IfIShouldDie my gravestone will read “crushed under the weight of her own expectations”

the hardest part is when you genuinely DO make improvements to your habits

then one thing disrupts your routine and EVERYTHING FALLS APART

and so begins the cycle:

self-disappointment negative self-talk self-loathing vow to change repeat cycle

it’s taken this long for me to finally realize that i live out every waking moment of the day trying to avoid feeling bad about myself

compensating for my “deficiencies” by attempting to brute-force myself into behavior change

fueled by my deep-seated anxiety about imperfection

i worry so much about other people judging and rejecting me

that i didn’t stop and realize how much i judge and reject myself