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Hold You Dear
I never expected to have children. I spent my whole life convincing myself that it wasn& #39;t for me...that I was too selfish or busy or career-motivated to be any good at it.
Photo by Fairlight Hubbard
I never expected to have children. I spent my whole life convincing myself that it wasn& #39;t for me...that I was too selfish or busy or career-motivated to be any good at it.
Photo by Fairlight Hubbard
But then I watched my grandmothers die. Noble, safe, peaceful deaths, in their homes, surrounded by their children and grandchildren and provided with every possible comfort until the very end. I hated when people would try to change my mind on having kids.
Always with the “but who will take care of you when you& #39;re old?” And I always argued back, “You shouldn& #39;t have kids just so that you have a built in nurse!”
I didn& #39;t have a baby with my death in mind. But I did see through a softer lens how beautiful it is to build a family. I saw how, when the world flips the wrong way...loved ones still cling. And so, it was a witness of dying that made me choose to create a lineage.
I got the positive pregnancy test unexpectedly one morning, right before leaving for a weekend songwriting retreat. My first reaction was to FaceTime Lydia, where we screamed and cried and I told her it couldn& #39;t be true. But it was.
We went to the retreat on Smith Lake, me still reeling from the news, but trying to think about songs. I snuck away from my sister that morning, and heavy with emotion, I wrote “Hold You Dear,” in less than an hour.
I remember those moments-feeling terrified and trying to be excited, but also realizing that time would not be my friend as I waited for, welcomed, and raised my first baby.
It hasn& #39;t been. It has flown by, as every other parent told me it would. I grieve and celebrate the passage of each milestone, and long to pause it all for just a little while. This song has become my mantra for parenting.
When I am busy, I listen to the sermon I wrote that morning with a tiny baby growing inside me & I stop what I& #39;m doing when he reaches his arms upward, and I hold him. Keeping my promise to the one I hope will hold me, in return, when I walk from this life into the next.
-Laura
-Laura
“You& #39;re a part of me and the one I love.
The sweetest years won& #39;t tarry.
You will reach for me when my arms are full
And I will lay down the things I carry
And I will hold you dear.” http://youtu.be/90Wo0WYTZQ0 ">https://youtu.be/90Wo0WYTZ...
The sweetest years won& #39;t tarry.
You will reach for me when my arms are full
And I will lay down the things I carry
And I will hold you dear.” http://youtu.be/90Wo0WYTZQ0 ">https://youtu.be/90Wo0WYTZ...
