i fantasized about what i might do with all the time i imagine having after i leave the monastery (which is tomorrow!) and the main thing that came up is writing about 2018. it's been long overdue and i need to get it off my stack but ugh it's gonna be hard

i don't really know what the etiquette is for publicly writing about weird shit that involved other people. i'd like to get the permission of at least one other and ideally maybe like ~12 other people (even if i anonymize all of them) and who knows how long that'll take

there's some collective grieving that hasn't been done yet and i was hoping to figure out a way to do that first but i'm not optimistic about it at this point. most of them probably don't wanna think about it anymore. but i haven't been able to stop

among other things re: the hardness is i need to decide to what extent i'm gonna cancel myself. one of the bits, if i write about it, will be the most vulnerable thing i've ever written about. it's probably not as bad as i'm afraid of but i'm afraid of losing friends

very sorry for the incredible vagueness. this thread is the closest i've come to writing about all this publicly so far, that i can remember: https://twitter.com/QiaochuYuan/status/1176616107953684480?s=20