now that i got your attention (i never have). i'd like to talk about my identity as a lesbian and how it relates to me as a person in real life. i use the label lesbian because i, a trans woman have had some internalized transphobia i unpacked relating to the word.

when i came out i wasn't very proud or loud. more like a whisper. i knew a lot of theory but i wasn't very comfortable with the label 'lesbian' at all. i knew i was supposed to be allowed to use it. but i was kinda unsure of myself and using labels means slightly taking a stand.

i knew stuff like trans women are women and the fact we can be lesbians too. but that didn't really make it easier in practice. and i mean there are still difficulties (still face some people thinking i'm a gay man 2.0) but i have learned to embrace the lesbian part of me.

however identity discourse is making the rounds again and while i might be slightly partial to some arguments, i don't really spend time talking about other people's identities as much as i spend time thinking about my own. so i won't go into any discourse whatsoever.

but i will go into how my identity works for me. i use the label lesbian but what do i mean with that? it would be accurate to say that i date women (cis and trans) but i also date non-binary people. so lesbian as a label might be more or less accurate.

however there's a benefit to it for me: when i use the label lesbian men are automatically excluded. (no this isn't an argument for or against bi lesbians i refuse to take part in that). it's not like the label ever prevented men from being dregs against me, but it is a statement

and i don't date men. so i like having a label that makes a statement on whether i date men because literally i've been attracted to loads of different people and genders but never men. so for me lesbian is more about who i don't date than who i date.

i think lesbian can mean a lot of things. but yeah, it can be confusing. i think there are plenty of historic non-binary lesbians for example, only without the language to describe it, that we've forgotten about it or that it wasn't written down.

generally i dislike speculating about gender and sexuality in historical people too much, but one has to imagine that some historical lesbians were also non-binary. besides the point. i think the label can contain multitudes. it isn't my job or anyone else's job to decide which.

this goes back to my point about discourse: i don't partake in exclusion discourse because i am very much a current victim of an exclusion discourse conducted by terfs and transphobes in lgbt community. so for me, i don't feel comfortable using arguments in favor of exclusion.

and i did this thread to show one way of using the label lesbian, my way. that is in no way meant to be the only or "the right" way. there are many ways. and i can be more or less uncomfortable with some but i am also not comfortable with deciding for others.

i get that this might seem cowardly, right? not taking a stand? but the divisiveness of the lgbt community is really frightening to me, while some exclusion is necessary to protect the diversity of the community (terfs, racists, ableists etc) label discourse isn't the same thing.

i still have to face transphobia from within and outside of the community. that is something that affects me directly and i have no choice in whether or not i partake in it. but some conflicts i choose to avoid because i can't really afford to make enemies out of allies too much.