My COVID-19 results came back negative, which means it's time for me to return to somewhat normal life. Before I do that, though, you guys know what's coming.

Tom Hardy doing one of those “Tom Hardy reads thirst tweets” videos and all the tweets are mine

What’s the point of Tom Hardy acting so hard in every movie please someone tell him he’s too hot to be trying this hard

It’s so unfair that Tom Hardy is a character actor bro let the uglies have some roles, your hotness is being wasted

I want Tom Hardy to kick my ass

Now that I’ve watched one hundred Tom Hardy movies I’d like to point out that he is so skinny in Mad Max

For the rest of my life show me nothing but this clip of Tom Hardy talking about being on a polecat for Mad Max

What I’ve learned from stalking Tom Hardy’s Instagram is cargo pants

Would pay $10,000 for a shot for shot remake of Fifth Element with Tom Hardy as Bruce Willis’ character

It’s not a Tom Hardy movie until he throat punches someone and calls them a cunt

Tom Hardy is so hot

Every character Tom Hardy plays is queer

I’m extremely afraid of what will happen when I run out of Tom Hardy content to consume

Tom Hardy

I don’t like that I’ve seen Tom Hardy’s dick. Not a fan of genitals. Like to pretend they don’t exist!

First week of pandemic I had all these plans to get shit done while stuck at home and now it’s week three and I have watched 4,000 hours of Tom Hardy content

After watching videos of Tom Hardy with dogs I can tell that the dogs know how big of a deal it is to meet Tom Hardy

Makes no sense that Tom Hardy’s eyes aren’t brown

At least thank god Tom Hardy talks about gaining and losing weight in terms of stones instead of pounds so I don’t have to completely lose my mind

I know eventually I’m gonna watch Peaky Blinders but I also know that watching Tom Hardy pretend to be Jewish is going to affect me in ways I am not yet prepared to handle

Tom Hardy and Jake Gyllenhaal both play every character as queer coded so when they actually play a queer character it’s like whooaaa buddy scale it back perhaps

I know Tom Hardy can’t possibly be hot in The Revenant because hot guys are only nominated for Oscars if they’re ugly in a movie

I think I could definitely bench press Tom Hardy as long as he’s not like bulked up for a film

Gonna be so embarrassing for the rest of my life every time I see a Tom Hardy movie I’m gonna be like “remember when I spent the covid pandemic manically watching everything he’s ever been in”

Crazy in high school and college I spent hours scouring the internet for bootleg movies and tv shows of actors I liked and now I’m just like yeah whatever another $3.99 to the Amazon man who cares

The amount of money I’m spending just to watch Tom Hardy look hot and do different accents

No offense but Tom Hardy

Yeah I’m learning a new skill during the pandemic. It’s called being able to rank every Tom Hardy performance based on how hot he is and how wild his voice work is

Me trying to convince someone to watch a random Tom Hardy movie: listen, he’s really hot

Tom Hardy is hot

Telling everyone I know to watch Taboo and when they ask why it’s good I’m like idk Tom Hardy is hot isn’t that enough

I want to kick Tom Hardy’s ass

After watching Tom Hardy turn in one incredible performance after another it is truly unfathomable to go back to Venom and try to figure out what the fuck he doin

Me last week: ew Tom Hardy’s teeth are gross
Me this week: I will personally kill the Hollywood exec who one day makes Tom Hardy fix his teeth and I will also kill the dentist who fixes them

I was wrong Tom Hardy is definitely hot in The Revenant

The Revenant is worth watching for all the times Tom Hardy smokes a pipe and exhales the smoke through his nostrils

I knew I would be infuriated by The Revenant! Both Leo and Tom have given better performances than this in at least 10 other movies but we can only reward hot guys when they’re ugly and gritty!

Both Leo and Tom have been in other movies where they played /southerners/ that would’ve been more deserving of Oscar noms than the southerners they play in this movie

Tom Hardy performances that deserved Oscar noms more than The Revenant
-Legend
-Stuart: A Life Backwards
-Lawless
-The Drop
-Legend
-Bronson
-Locke
-LEGEND
-Inception
-L E G E N D

I don’t think I’m a good judge of “good acting” however Tom Hardy was waterboarded in an episode of Taboo and spent the rest of the ep occasionally sniffling and I admire that level of detail!!!!!!!

The only time I’ve been 100 percent confident in thinking someone was good at acting was Amy Adams’ performance in Arrival. Everything else I ever say about an actor being talented is useless and probably incorrect

That being said I will continue to believe Tom Hardy has done a good job in most things

And while I don’t think he did a “good” job in Venom, I think he at least achieved the level of batshit the movie required and nobody else in that fucking movie even came close to that level

I just don’t get how Tom Hardy’s southern accent in Lawless is great but in The Revenant it’s meh and his New York accent is pretty good in The Drop but completely batshit in Venom??

Would like to have a minimum 2-hour conversation with Tom Hardy about his voice work

I have watched Tom Hardy bite into someone’s neck/face and spit out their flesh in three (3) different movies/tv shows and no this doesn’t include Venom

Me: wow Tom Hardy has amazing range
Tom Hardy: [bites yet another person in another film]

Tom Hardy is the exact opposite of Sean Bean re: every character he plays is indestructible and never fucking dies

Oh my fucking god how did I forget about the Mad Max presser where some dipshit asked Tom Hardy if he wondered why there were so many women in a “man’s movie” and Tom Hardy just said “no” while serving this fucking unbelievable look

Realizing how miraculous it is that I didn’t succumb to this obsession with Tom Hardy back in 2015 when I was consuming everything Mad Max-related

Okay so after going thru my Mad Max tag on tumblr I’ve remembered that in 2015 I may have cared a bit more about women than I did about Tom Hardy but these are different times we’re livin in ‘kay

I went to my Tom Hardy tag on tumblr to see what I thought of him back in 2015-2018 and here is the progression of my thoughts

I also already made that stupid joke about dogs meeting Tom Hardy. Stealing jokes from my past self ffs

Ok nobody has ever been hotter than Tom Hardy in the Mad Max press tour holy shit

Also Tom Hardy constantly apologizing to his coworkers during the Mad Max presser my god he must’ve been an absolute nightmare in that desert lmao

Tom Hardy interviews are either like “I had to be a bit careful bc there’s a way of lambasting, be cartoonish to an extent where you miss the point of the clown effort...experiential hindsight-wise” or “I based my character on the old lady in Tweety Bird”

When Tom Hardy’s tattoos aren’t covered in a movie

Me watching a Tom Hardy movie where he’s buff: damn this his best look
Me watching a Tom Hardy movie where he’s skinny: damn best look
Me watching a Tom Hardy movie where he’s stocky: damn best look
Me watching a Tom Hardy movie where he’s Really Buff: damn best look

So the director of this MMA movie where Tom Hardy plays a tough MMA fighter didn’t think to cover Tom Hardy’s comedy/tragedy mask tattoo what a choice

Why in the world did I think I WOULDN’T enjoy this MMA movie where Tom Hardy has traps up to his ears and knocks guys out in the first 3 seconds of fights ??????? ???? ???

They gave the other main guy in this movie some fake tattoos related to the movie but I guess they looked at Tom Hardy’s body of nonsense tattoos and were like yep that’s fine let’s go

Srsly he might as well have “I am an actor” tattooed on his chest I cannot believe they didn’t cover it

I keep forgetting that Tom Hardy is the bad guy in every movie so I always root for him and then he loses/dies at the end of everything and I’m like aww what

It’s weird to watch an actor and think that they are.........smart

Do all serious actors do completely different accents for each movie and I just don’t know this bc I’ve never followed the filmography of a serious actor? OR is Tom Hardy insane?

Tom Hardy’s accent might say Brooklyn/Virginia/Texas/Pittsburgh/Russia/Wales but his teeth will always say London

Holy fucking shit did I write this

Ppl who think Tom Hardy is “unintelligible” and “marble mouthed” just aren’t trying hard enough. Clean your goddamn ears out and try again.

Tom Hardy has three different women’s names tattooed on his body,,,,I stan a messy bitch

I’m worried that Tom Hardy doesn’t actually know he’s hot

Tom Hardy is so intensely serious and pretentious explaining character choices couched in 2-dollar words and literary comparisons and I believe him I believe the bullshit he spins about his craft!!!! Fuck I hate actors!!!

Tom Hardy is so fucking hot dude

I could watch Tom Hardy gut punch people to bring them down to his height so he can whisper threats into their ears in every fucking movie

I could watch Tom Hardy threateningly point a gun at people’s faces in every fucking movie

I just don’t understand how Tom Hardy plays one super tough bad guy after another then gets the script for Venom and is like ah yes I’ll be perfect for this subby sub role

Oh cool so one of the best performances Tom Hardy has ever given in his life he actually never memorized the script and was reading it the whole time cool cool cool how the fuck

Is Tom Hardy actually a good actor or have I been bamboozled by watching too many interviews where he uses big words and has a British accent!!!!!!! Fuck I hate actors!!!!!!!!!!

Tom Hardy: I read the whole thing off an auto cue, I didn’t know the lines
Me:

I’m gonna lose my fUCKING Mind what do you MEAN you didn’t have the script memorized

Why is Tom Hardy’s face often covered in movies?
Directors: bc he can give a convincing performance with just his eyes
Tom Hardy: it’s cause I’m fuckin ugly innit

Had so many questions when I first started this Tom Hardy thing. Wondered about his teeth, his pinky, tattoos, clothing choices, etc and now I watch an interview and he’s got unexplained black shit around his cuticles and I’m just like whatever man I have no questions

I gave up trying to understand

Area Woman Becomes Increasingly More Unhinged about Tom Hardy as Self-Isolation Continues through Day Six

I believe I have run out of good Tom Hardy movies to watch and only have trash left and I am trying DESPERATELy not to panic

I forgot that the way I used to go through an actor’s filmography is to switch back and forth between the good and the shit!!! Fuck!!! You gotta alternate!!! I fucked up!!!

Tom Hardy’s body during the Venom press tour was just so................

Oh god I can tell the difference between Tom Hardy’s fake laugh and real laugh. The real one is a high-pitched giggle

I know Tom Hardy is a cool dude bc he responds with patience and grace every single time a skinny white dude asks if he wants to hear his Bane impression

We’re gettin into the old stuff, folks, so now it’s time to pinpoint the exact year Tom Hardy whitened his teeth. It wasn’t before 2002, I know that much.

(I’m definitely into it in a sexual way when Tom Hardy plays characters that treat women poorly) (I have a good relationship with my dad I promise)

Every time Tom Hardy takes a moment to look down at a man’s mouth during a scene a year is added to my life

I wonder if before interviews or like in his rider Tom Hardy’s like do not ask me anything personal or I will fucking murder you

I’m now watching Paul Rudd interviews as a palate cleanser, felt a desperate need to watch someone who doesn’t take themselves so seriously and also isn’t British

Tom Hardy said his natural weight is 11 stone. Are you fucking kidding me. I’m gonna lose my shit. The absolute tiniest.

That's it for now. So far this thread is 2,250 words long. I need to get the fuck out of my apartment.