I’ve been thinking this morning about how back when I was 20 and an intern at Nerve I thought if I worked really hard and was smart I would eventually be offered a job there and I felt *so* betrayed when then intern who did get offered a job was the one who networked from day 1.

Years later, when I’d made my way back to working in media, I saw the same mindset in friends who hated that they toiled in drudgery even as lesser writers found fame by dint of their skill at networking.

And, you know, I get it. I get that it feels like the actual work of the job — being good at writing, having the good ideas, whatever — should be the only thing that matters.

But networking or gladhanding or whatever aren’t some cheap trick: they, too, are a part of the work.

Most of us find that our work is more pleasant and more productive when we’re working with people we like! Networking is a way of building those relationships, of demonstrating that you are the person people like, of showing you will be pleasant to work with.

Yes, some people who are great at networking are terrible at the actual job. But that doesn’t mean the brilliant thinkers and writers who don’t know how to work with people are the better choice.

Anyway. I’m not twenty anymore. I’m not bitter. I have learned how to network.

A huge part of how I became editor of Fleshbot — and thus launched the media career I have today — was that I learned from the mistakes I’d made at twenty and changed my behavior.

I didn’t just diligently do my work and wait for my reward. I got out there. I made people notice.

Among other things, I secured an invitation to Julia Allison’s birthday party *specifically* so I could meet and befriend Nick Denton, positioning myself as the bright and dynamic young woman he should rely on if he wanted to take his porn blog to the next level.

Anyway. I understand the urge to complain that the system is unfair and rewards the wrong people — and it often does! — but I think that there are times when the system works the way it does for a reason.

I don’t think learning to ask for what I want rather than wait to be rewarded, to relationship build and put myself out there, made me a hack. I think it made me *better* at my job, and more enjoyable to work with.

Especially since I’m *also* great at doing the work.