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Funerals are sad and slightly surreal affairs at the best of times. In lockdown they’re even stranger.
It was my Grandma’s earlier this week, and I wanted to share a few thoughts on what went well, and not so well, for anyone else planning a funeral in these strange times.
It was my Grandma’s earlier this week, and I wanted to share a few thoughts on what went well, and not so well, for anyone else planning a funeral in these strange times.
First of all, it is possible for family and friends to go to a funeral - but for obvious reasons it’s best to keep numbers down to a minimum.
In my Grandma’s case it was decided that her two children and their partners would attend - and that was it.
In my Grandma’s case it was decided that her two children and their partners would attend - and that was it.
I guess we could have had more - but the problem is it’s hard to maintain social distancing in times of grief. Hard not to give a loved one a hug.
The priest at the funeral had been requested by my Grandma. He is in his 80s. I’m quite sure if she’d known the circumstances she would have told him not to come, but amazingly he did. An unbelievably selfless act.
Everyone else watched the funeral from a live stream - which was kind of bizarre. It’s not a two-way stream - no one else can see you - but it felt nice to dress up all the same.
It sounds a bit impersonal watching a funeral on your laptop - and it is.
However, there are upsides.
For one, I think many friends and family tuned in across the country who wouldn’t have come to the funeral normally (she lived in Cornwall so hard to get to on a weekday).
However, there are upsides.
For one, I think many friends and family tuned in across the country who wouldn’t have come to the funeral normally (she lived in Cornwall so hard to get to on a weekday).
And considering many of us are at home right now, there’s a good chance that more people watched the funeral than would have in normal times.
For example, my wife’s aunt tuned in, who only met her once.
For example, my wife’s aunt tuned in, who only met her once.
I don’t know about other venues, but most crematoria have a live streaming facility. They send you a link to forward on to people - it’s pretty simple.
Having said that, it’s really worth checking with older relatives that they’re comfortable with how to tune in.
Having said that, it’s really worth checking with older relatives that they’re comfortable with how to tune in.
It’s easy to forget to, but it’s nice to send around an order of service electronically so that people can follow the funeral.
In terms of the funeral itself - the most striking difference is that you have no social interaction with anyone else watching.
So I’d suggest setting up a Zoom or something after to talk through the funeral with family.
So I’d suggest setting up a Zoom or something after to talk through the funeral with family.
Obviously there’s hardly anyone singing during the hymns, so I’d suggest having music with a backing choir - otherwise you’re left with a lonely organ playing.
My Dad also said that giving the eulogy is different. Normally you’d see ppl before the ceremony. But when they aren’t there, the eulogy is a chance to reference people - kind of say hello.
So he tried to add in stories that included the people he knew would be watching.
So he tried to add in stories that included the people he knew would be watching.
And after the funeral there’s no chatter, no drinks afterwards, no tales of a life well led. You close the internet page and that’s kind of it.
So basically, it’s all a bit strange, unreal even and I’m kind of glad my Grandma didn’t know this is how the funeral she’d meticulously planned was going to go down.
Here’s a pic of the funeral - a red rose on my Grandma’s coffin per her instructions - dramatic to the last! The picture cuts a lonely scene, but there were lots of people there listening in and remembering a wonderful spirit leave us.
