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tw// depression, anxiety, eating disorder
i think its pretty obvious that ive been desperate for people to talk to me recently yet(less obviously) ive put off responding to messages. first sorry to the few people ive been ignoring and thank you for talking to me still because i-
i think its pretty obvious that ive been desperate for people to talk to me recently yet(less obviously) ive put off responding to messages. first sorry to the few people ive been ignoring and thank you for talking to me still because i-
personally get upset when people ignore me yet i still get drained after a few minutes of texting because i put pressure on myself to keep the conversation going and spend way too much time thinking of a way to even respond but thank you for waiting and still continuing to talk-
to me. i also want to talk about my anxiety. it doesnt seem like it (i think) but i have been opening up more this year. i never would have posted this many tweets or expressed my feelings openly like this last year but at the same time, like last year, when i do maybe express-
my feelings too much, i delete it after a while bc i feel like the people that follow me will think im pathetic or ignore it (which often happens anyway..) i guess i just want to be close friends with so many people on here and yet it translates to me as feeling less sometimes.
slowly ive been becoming depressed again and realizing how lonely i am and how much i lack any affection in my life. i want to believe i have friends but sometimes i feel so disconnected to everyone and like im just forcing friendships to make me feel happy again but it never-
feels like enough to me and maybe thats my fault for needing too much attention i think. i always want to help everyone with whatever problem theyre struggling with. i always try to offer any encouraging words, but i can never ask for enough help and ill never be satisfied with-
the amount of attention given to me as a result of feeling a lack. i genuinely want to keep up with str*y k*ds and l**na but sometimes im so drained from my emotions and home life (especially now bc of quarantine) but i know that no one would step foward to keep me updated...
and i think its better for now at least that i dont bother anyone else. begging has not worked, writing it out has not worked, going to my old safe space has not worked, listening to music has not worked. i havent been doing homework, i havent been eating enough or sleeping-
enough yet i feel an internal ache that wont go away. i feel the need to run away but i have nowhere to go. i feel the need to cry but no tears come out. i push myself to try and do work yet i stare at the screen for a few minutes before returning to social media or going to-
sleep to try and forget that im hurting. ive started to have the worst back pain yet because all i do is lay in bed and go on my phone and computer.. every few minutes i try and find some type of new content to keep me distracted. i know i cant run away and i know i cant-
sleep it away and food cant fill me up anymore no matter how much or little i eat. i guess its not really that obvious but connecting the small details again its easy to tell im relapsing or have already relapsed. i dont even know really what the point of this thread is bc i-
already have an account with no followers where i just rant to myself but im just tired of giving my positive words and then breaking down and feeling embarrassed afterwards. im tired of feeling upset and lost and having malaise but not being able to hide away from it like i-
want to. i think im gonna try going outside eventually bc i do think it& #39;s also a result of never leaving my house/bed and i know other people are also feeling the same. or should i feel guilty for wanting to leave. either way, if its not too much to ask, can someone pls keep me-
updated with sk*z, l**na, and w**jin while i take a break and try to feel better? eventually ill come back and hopefully i feel better but for now ive had my notifs off and trying to laugh it away isnt working obviously and i dont know what to do from here. thanks if you-
read all the way to here because honestly its cringey how disorganized this is and despite all of these words it still lacks something. thank you for caring, ill see you in a few days i think ! someone keep me updated pls thx !
