I really don't know what is happening, I already lost my passion in everything. This is not me. Lord, help me revive my passion in doing such things that makes me happy and whole. Help me to find myself once again.

I feel so lost. I've let things destroy my inner peace and my happiness. I envy those people who actually have the courage to find their self and peace, because I knew to myself that I can't do it again, not because I don't want to, but because I don't have that enough energy ++

I've come to the point where I asked my self why I let myself do all those things that killed my happiness. I was so blinded by those lies that surrounds me, I was so helpless that I've let myself loose just to feel alive again.

I was so embarrassed and disgusted by the fact that I promised my self I'll never do things that will hurt me and make me evil once again. But then, look at me now. The cold-hearted, bitch, evil Ella. This is not me. This is not the Ella you used to know.

And as you read this thread of mine, I hope you pray for me as well, to finally accept everything, to be genuinely happy and to find that peace I am longing for.