tw: passive suicidal ideation

I keep thinking about anna borges’s piece on chronic, passive suicidal ideation, how coming to terms with my own chronic, passive suicidal ideation actually lifts a weight off my shoulders.

recognizing and identifying how I feel about myself has always been my biggest flaw.

this kind of thinking isn’t good, but it doesn’t make me bad or abnormal (at least in non-psych terms). it’s just part of my depression that I just have to reconcile with.

tw: depression

I’ve been in and out of depressive episodes for the past...eight years. then, when I became a caregiver, the episodes lasted longer. I honestly don’t think the depressive episode that started in january 2019 ever ended.

sometimes it gets easier to breathe. sometimes I can come up for air for days or even weeks at a time.

but then I get dragged down again. and again. and again.

anyway, that’s it. I’m feeling a lot better after writing this.

I probably won’t delete this thread until I document it in a notebook bc I want to remember. depression has taken so much of my memory that I’ll grasp for anything. (and yeah that’s why I tweet so fucking much)

me: WRITE THIS IN YOUR FUCKING JOURNAL AND STOP OVERSHARING ON FUCKING TWITTER DOT COM

me to me: