Going to “model c” schools shoved the poverty we lived in, in my face everyday. I became so ashamed of where I live because I felt like I don’t belong in a space with kids who had lawyer parents and Bratz dolls book covers. Existing in the two worlds was so exhausting.

I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s like being around people who can’t relate to my situation made me feel out of place and it made the little that I had feel like nothing. I became miserable, to the point where I’d lie about where I live, even to my friends.

I told all sorts of lies just to fit in. Until I couldn’t anymore because the situation at home started getting worse and I needed my friends’ help. Even then I didn’t want any of them to see where I live so I’d spend a lot of time at their homes instead.

I remember this one time I didn’t get off the bus at my stop because there were kids from school who usually get off before me but they didn’t that day so I stayed on the bus and got off in the next neighborhood that’s an hour walk from home.

And then this one Saturday I was going about my business in my hood and I bumped into a kid from school. I’m not sure what he was doing there but on Monday in one of our classes he made a comment about me thinking I’m smart but I live in a shack and smell like paraffin.

It was like my cover had been blown and suddenly everyone could see how poor I am. Comments about my skirt losing colour, the holes under my shoes, and when the school gave a few of us new uniform, I heard this girl say “she acts like she’s all that but gets hand me downs”

I had such good friends, they’d bring me lunch and sacrifice their lunch money for me to be able to come to school. I’d spend exam seasons and school holidays at their homes.
But the bullying never stopped, it was my cross that I had to carry throughout high school.

I couldn’t talk to my friends about any the bullying, I felt so ashamed. Part of me would feel weird about the fact that they’ve never offered to come to my home but I was also relieved because I felt like it would change how they see me, their imagined version was better.

Anyways, I got triggered by the apartment video because even though it’s so little, it’s more than I’ve ever had.