My boss, offering my a lift home the other day, listened to me talking about the world for like seven minutes.

And then said, "It must be exhausting to be thinking about... well, all of that. All the time."

And it blows my mind that there might be an alternative to doing so.
Huh, didn't expect this to be as relatable as folks are finding it.

To be clear - I'm not /worrying/ about things all the time, I'm just taking them in and analyzing them.

I've described it before as a box of puzzle peices, constantly being raked by hand to flip/rearrange them.
Maybe by doing that two peices that I hadn't noticed before fit together, or I notice where all the edge peices are, or whatever. All of those thoughts are there, all the time, constantly being turned over. Sometimes whole chunks will be fit together by my subconscious mind.
I'm not consciously aware of problem solving - I just am aware of a problem. I get aware at it really hard, and then a solution will appear. I'll know, when I say it out loud, whether it fits the shape of the problem.

That just... happens. I'm an outside observer to the process.
Apparently a lot of #adhd kids start thinking they have psychic powers, because they know things they're not supposed to know, secrets that people are keeping. They are simply aware of things subconsciously, and put things together, and then just KNOW them.
Anyway, tl;dr: my brain works. It works really well. It does amazing things.

It is the context of the world I live in which makes me disabled.

Context makes Disability.

And trying to make my brain be a good student or employee is like making a falcon run a footrace.
I am not poorly built. I am not broken.

The systems society built have instead, been built poorly, in order to exclude me and people like me.

That is not and will never be my fault.

And I deserve more credit than I give myself for adapting as well as I have.

So do y'all. /end
PS - I'd encourage any of you who see yourself here, but didn't think you might have something worth diagnosing, to check out a few resources.

- Comics from @danidonovan and @ADHD_Alien
- Videos from @HowtoADHD
- Articles from @blkgirllostkeys

Those folks really helped me.
My own experience is of having ADHD, chronic Depression, and what I'm suspecting is PTSD.

Many of these things are comorbid with other disorders, or have similar expressions. Autism spectrum disorders in particular.

They share another important thing:
If you're not a disruptive middle class white boy, you probably didn't get diagnosed.
Everyone's experience is different, and I can only speak to mine.

In doing that, though?

Finding out my diagnosis, and starting medication, was the single most empowering thing I've ever done.
So, on behalf of one Gifted Kid turned Sad Adult who doesn't know where it all went wrong to another:

If you've ever answered someone asking "Why can't you just x" with "Dunno, guess I'm just a peice of shit,"

You aren't.

It is /very likely/ the adults in your life failed you.
The systems we have are probably still failing you, because they were never built for you. "Everything you're good at came easy, so you get no credit, and everything that's hard for you everyone else can do easy, so same."

Fuck that. Fuck that sideways.

You deserve better. /end
You can follow @NomeDaBarbarian.
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