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My worst date ever.
I was chatting with an attractive African American lady from a city an hour and a half away. She seemed smart and sweet. I asked her out. /1
I was chatting with an attractive African American lady from a city an hour and a half away. She seemed smart and sweet. I asked her out. /1
When I arrived, I asked which apartment she was in and she said she would come to me. I understand safety measures. I waited for her. She came down to my car with her Big Gulp. /2
When I greeted her was the first time it occurred to me that none of her pictures had an open mouth smile. She had no front teeth. /3
As we started driving to the restaurant, she pulled out her cigarettes and started to light one up. Her profile said she didn’t smoke. I asked her not to smoke in my car. I pulled into a Marshall’s parking lot so she could get out and smoke. /4
While we stood in the parking lot, a lady got out of another car and started walking to the store. My smoking hot date said, “You see that bitch over there? I learned how to deal with motherf*ckers like that in the joint” /5
I might have been a wide eyed innocent boy, but I made a decision right then and there not to take her on the nice date I had planned. I saw a Chili’s and pulled in there. /6
I think she sensed that it wasn’t working, so she started doing the lean in, flashing all the cleavage she could. She said, “You handsome. You Hollywood handsome.” Now I’m a self-aware man. I’m not ugly, but I’m no movie star. I figured she was working for a molten lava cake. /7
She told me she didn’t have a home, but bounced between her aunt’s and daughter’s couches. She also informed me how much she likes white guys and how much I would enjoy her. I changed the subject. /8
When I got her back to her daughter’s apartment building, I got out and opened the door for her. (It’s ingrained in me.) She did the easy out quick slide and the next thing I knew, old meth mouth was kissing me. /9
I got in the car and drove away. I washed my mouth with hand sanitizer. I spent the drive trying to troubleshoot so I would never be in that situation again. When I got home, she had texted me a nude selfie. I deleted and blocked and washed my phone with hand sanitizer. /10
I have never had an experience like that before or after. I’m just happy to have survived. /end
