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Awesome day. A scammer rang me from a Wellington number claiming to be from "Spark" about 'faulty internet'.
Him: Its a serious problem.
Me: Shit, should I call someone? The army? The police?
Him: No, I can help you.
Me: Thank god, is that why there is smoke coming from it?
Him: Its a serious problem.
Me: Shit, should I call someone? The army? The police?
Him: No, I can help you.
Me: Thank god, is that why there is smoke coming from it?
Him: What?
Me: Smoke. There's smoke pouring out of our internet. we were thinking that was strange. Is that normal?
Him: (pause) What?
Me: The smoke is that normal?
Him: No.
Me: What should I do, this is clearly very serious?
Him: Tell me how many lights are on on your router?
Me: Smoke. There's smoke pouring out of our internet. we were thinking that was strange. Is that normal?
Him: (pause) What?
Me: The smoke is that normal?
Him: No.
Me: What should I do, this is clearly very serious?
Him: Tell me how many lights are on on your router?
Me: 22. One green, two red, a purple one, two orange ones, a banana, six rabbits, a disco light and a searchlight. Is that normal?
Him: (pause) Yes. I need you to sit in front of your computer.
Me: Ok, which one is that?
Him: What?
Me: Which one is the computer?
Him: (pause) Yes. I need you to sit in front of your computer.
Me: Ok, which one is that?
Him: What?
Me: Which one is the computer?
Him: Your computer.
Me: Your computer? You want me to sit in front of your computer?
Him: No, your computer.
Me: Thats a relief, none of us are allowed to go outside so that would have been hard.
Him: Are you sittting in front of your computer?
Me: Yours or mine?
Him Yours.
Me: Your computer? You want me to sit in front of your computer?
Him: No, your computer.
Me: Thats a relief, none of us are allowed to go outside so that would have been hard.
Him: Are you sittting in front of your computer?
Me: Yours or mine?
Him Yours.
Me: I am.
Him: does it have windows?
Me: Definitely. Which one should I use?
Him: (pause) What?
Me: We have one in this room, there are two windows in the lounge, once in each bedroom, one in the toilet, and in the laundry... which one should I use?
Him: (pause... very long)...
Him: does it have windows?
Me: Definitely. Which one should I use?
Him: (pause) What?
Me: We have one in this room, there are two windows in the lounge, once in each bedroom, one in the toilet, and in the laundry... which one should I use?
Him: (pause... very long)...
Me: You still there?
Him: Can you see your computer?
Me: My computer or your computer?
Him: (pause) Your computer.
Me: Totally. I can see it really really well.
Him: Who uses your computer?
Me: Well...I do, my husband, my ex-wife, my six kids, my four step kids, my grandfather...
Him: Can you see your computer?
Me: My computer or your computer?
Him: (pause) Your computer.
Me: Totally. I can see it really really well.
Him: Who uses your computer?
Me: Well...I do, my husband, my ex-wife, my six kids, my four step kids, my grandfather...
Me (still going): ... my neighbour, their kids, the dog sometimes, and random people wander in from the street and use it. Also... a ghost uses it. I'm not certain of that... but I'm pretty sure a ghost uses it.
Him: (pause) Can you see the control key?
Me: I have my house key?
Him: (pause) Can you see the control key?
Me: I have my house key?
Him: (pause) no the control key
Me: Let me see - i have an esc key, an F1 key, an f2 key...
I then listed all the keys including a monkey key, a piano key, a leakey key etc etc. This went on for a bit.
Only then did I realise he'd hung up.
I hope he calls back.
Me: Let me see - i have an esc key, an F1 key, an f2 key...
I then listed all the keys including a monkey key, a piano key, a leakey key etc etc. This went on for a bit.
Only then did I realise he'd hung up.
I hope he calls back.
