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I initially started the thread to share men that have personally harassed and assaulted me. The first two men on that thread have both personally harassed me and the second guy full out sexually assaulted me and I have proof of his admittance.
I did not start that thread to attack anyone’s character. I gain absolutely nothing from attacking men that I have never heard of before or even knew existed when I woke up that morning. The ONLY reason that I started to add men who were not my attackers were because women +
That I personally know. And that I have known for MOST OF MY LIFE in one close manner or the other came forward to me with their own experiences with these men and just wanted other women to be aware of this type of predatory behaviour.
I have not once called anyone anything except a predator. That term contains a large range of actions. It’s not just one set behavioural pattern. I admit I underestimated the effect this would have on women and didn’t think this many women would come forward.
Being a survivor of sexual assault myself what empowered me to address my attacker head on was because of the support I received from black women and actually black men. I was overwhelmed with tears of joy. When the men around him found out they called him out, condemned him +
Cut off communication and on top of that they let me know personally that they supported me. That was the most amazing feeling the fact that they believed me. It gave me the courage to address him myself and get him to try and see his wrong and apologize.
But understand that my fears of coming forward were very real. I was scared of the shame. I was scared he would try to slut shame me even know through all my training and courses and experience ls of working with victims I wasn’t to blame. I still felt shame.
That shame was only removed through the support of other people believing me. And the truth is I was right when they addressed him he initially did try and slut shame me to his friends. But thank GOD they believed me and supported me.
That support gave me the strength to address him and why I’m even able to have proof of what he did because he admitted to it. Sadly a lot of people who are harassed don’t get that support because they don’t tell anybody because they like me, were afraid of the shame and stigma
Because it’s scary. Their attackers are people’s friends and family. Like you feel like you don’t wanna cause trouble for anyone. You don’t even want to remember it happened. Plus you feel no one will believe you so what’s the point.
And that is the sole reason why I started to add to that thread. It is so hard for most people who have been harassed to face the person who did it to them. Talkless have the courage to involve their friends and family to bring it in court
It can be extremely draining emotionally, physically, and mentally to now bring all of that to court. And let’s be extremely real, it is very very hard to prove that someone harassed you, especially sexually.
Like please someone tell me how I would be able to prove that a guy was rubbing on my nipples while I was sleeping in the passenger seat of his car, if I was not believed and supported to have the strength to address him so he was able to own up to what he did.
The only proof I have if that is his admission and his apology. After months and hours of trying to get him to see what HE did TO ME was wrong. Do you know how mentally draining and damaging that could be?
We as a black community understand that the justice system is trash and not fair when talking about mass incarceration of black and brown bodies, specifically black men. However when the subject is harassment and assault of women we magically believe in that same system??
I am someone who heavily believes that people can change and in rehabilitation culture. I believe you can change after you take accountability. That’s why I can at least say I commend David OK’s actions in publicly accepting his wrong. I hope he does get better and do better
People don’t die when we cancel them. They still have lives. Yes we don’t have to support their platforms, especially if that platform allows for them to continue to harass people. But we can support them in stopping their behaviour and getting some help too ideally.
But unfortunately there is also a stigma around support for your mental health. The truth is hurt people hurt people. That’s why they call it a “cycle of abuse”. My main concern is healing for everyone. At first it was just about awareness.
Which is good but now we have to ask ourselves where do we go from here and how can we improve our communities and make safe spaces for everyone ESPECIALLY black women.
