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Dear fellow procrastinators,
Your avoidance of certain tasks might be more perfectionism-related than you realize. This was the case for me.
Your avoidance of certain tasks might be more perfectionism-related than you realize. This was the case for me.
For years I thought my issue was #procrastination. Turns out the deeper issue was #perfectionism.
Or more like selective perfectionism. Some tasks I never avoid. Other tasks I avoid like hell.
For example, I pay bills and schedule meetings without delay. These tasks aren't attached to my self-value. They are just tasks to me. No procrastination in sight.
On the other hand, I procrastinate heavily on writing-related tasks. Pretty much anything with a word count over 100. Somehow my self-value is tied to my words- and what others think of them.
To find out why, I went to therapy and read books about procrastination. I thought being an enneagram 9w1 might be to blame, but it went deeper.
After several years of digging, I've concluded that my (selective) procrastination is actually the manifestation of (selective) perfectionism around tasks attached to my self-value i.e. writing.
Going back to early childhood, I went through phases of approaching certain language-related tasks as all-or-nothing: first with reading aloud, then handwriting, then writing in complete sentences, then public speaking. Anything less than an A was an F in my mind.
To compensate for this selective intensity, I became super easygoing around other tasks. Not picky about food, clothes, art, or how I spent my time. I went with the flow. And still do.
Looking back from age 39, I can trace the roots of my perfectionism manifesting as procrastination. When quality is paramount, it's preferable to produce nothing over something imperfect.
I now see that I approached procrastination as an imperfection to be rid of, rather than a clue that I care a lot about quality (in certain situations).
But back to the writing thing. In some ways, it's a plus that perfectionism doesn't dominate my whole life, just certain pockets of it. Things could be much worse.
That said, I don't like the consequences of perfectionism-induced procrastination on my writing process or product. The quality usually turns out fine (if I even write anything), but at what cost? There must be a better way.
I would love if writing could become just another task for me, like paying bills and scheduling meetings. I'm not sure if this is possible, though.
What I do know is that I desire to untangle my writing from my self-value as much as possible. Emails, newsletters and book chapters don't have to be valuations of who I am. What if they were just emails, newsletters and book chapters?
I am not my writing, or lack thereof. But I do have to write. Something. #amwriting
"Love your neighbor as yourself" implies that loving yourself is a good thing. Crazy that we even have to go there to give ourselves permission to love a human being.
With all the effort Christians expend trying to live in ways that reflect God's character, we have a long way to go in reflecting God's love toward ourselves, as we are.
A book that helped me in this area: The Gifts of Imperfection by @BreneBrown [end thread]
