May be the depression talking but with the clarity I have right now looking back I just wasn’t a good dm in some respects and that goes down to the fact that I thought that I could go on without planning sessions and that I could “fix” what I perceived as player errors or person-

Personal errors when it was the concepts themselves that were at fault. Especially for a beginner I jumped too far without looking down and didn’t see the lack of water below. Even when I thought I had something easier I still made it too complicated out of my selfish desire to -

Outperform and excel. Like I was a Gifted kid, it’s in my hardwire no matter how much I try to deny it, that I’m inherently going to try and outdo everything I see because that’s the only way I perceive my self worth. Like fundamentally I don’t think I could be a good dm before -

I deal with that section of myself, and that’s going to take a while. Tbh if you see me making a campaign, no matter how encouraging you’d like to be, instead just send this thread to me because it’ll do a lot more good than playing along to my whims.