This time of crisis has highlighted a few deeply ingrained (some toxic) behaviors & thought processes for me.

As a child of immigrant parents, who know what it’s like to have very little, I find myself wanting to mimic their coping behaviors and stock up in order to combat fear.

My self worth, unfortunately, has been closely tied to what I can do and/or produce for others but this pandemic has reduced my productivity. It’s confusing and difficult not to feel worthless even though I know my worthiness isn’t tied to my productivity or service.

My culture has always encouraged me to be a submissive and accommodating woman but I am finding myself in predicaments where I need to speak up for the safety of myself, my loved ones, and the general public. It’s difficult but important.

Growing up in a collectivist household and community taught me to think of others before myself, and regardless of my own wants and needs. Now, I struggle to ask for help because my own problems seem trivial compared to other people’s. Reminder to self: both matter.

As a child I often was put in the helper and peace keeper roles in my family, and I find myself taking on these roles for anyone who asks, leaving myself drained and depleted. I have to put my self care at the top of the list and I encourage others to do the same.