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Nothing makes me angrier than people telling me I don& #39;t mean what I say or that I am criticising a strawman. I do well with disagreement but not with people who won& #39;t accept I mean what I say or that I& #39;m confused or dishonest about what I am and am not criticising.
It doesn& #39;t matter if they& #39;re polite. The question & #39;Aren& #39;t you just criticising a strawman?" is bound to be annoying to anyone who is sincere. It is possible that I have genuinely misunderstood something & am criticising it incorrectly & if so, you can show me this.
I myself know that I am not deliberately misrepresenting a problem in order to make it easier to attack, so you can& #39;t ask me if I am politely anymore than I could say "Thanks for your response. Is it possible you are a lying scumbag who buggers sheep?"
Civility in conversation isn& #39;t just about saying & #39;please& #39; and & #39;thank you.& #39; It& #39;s also about assuming the other person to be sincere & well-intended. Of course, there are times when you have to say "I think you& #39;re being dishonest" but then the conversation is over.
There really isn& #39;t a polite way to tell someone you think they are being dishonest & it ends the conversation so it really shouldn& #39;t be said casually & then the other person be expected to continue talking to you.
I think people sometimes don& #39;t realise when they are accusing someone else of being dishonest rather than mistaken, but sentences like: "You are constructing a strawman," "You are being hypocritical" & "That& #39;s just empty rhetoric" are making that accusation.
If you believe someone else to be attacking an enemy that doesn& #39;t actually exist, you can still be charitable & assume this is an error by saying something like: I& #39;m not convinced that problem really exists or is very common. Why do you think it does?
If you see someone being inconsistent in their principles, you don& #39;t need to go straight to "You are a hypocrite" but could say "This seems inconsistent with what you said here." We can all be inconsistent without realising it & can admit this if framed this way.
Someone who has been made aware of an inconsistency in their principles can answer "Hmm. Maybe it is. I will need to give this more thought." That& #39;s rarer than we& #39;d like to see but less rare than "Yes, I am, in fact, a hypocrite. Let& #39;s continue this excellent conversation."
I have recently been accused of "word salad", "gish-gallop" & "empty rhetoric" but they could actually have said "Could you clarify?" & "Can you slow down a bit? That& #39;s a lot of information all at once." & "I& #39;m not getting your point. Could you state it very clearly?"
Rather than accusing me of not actually meaning anything. I know that I do mean something, but I can express it better if I am told what the barrier to communication is & how I can remove it.
