BEFORE I GET ALL DOOM AND GLOOM BC ANXIETY+QUARANTINE HAS SHIFTED MY INSOMNIA INTO MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE AND I HAVE BEEN AWAKE FOR 48 HOURS YET STILL AM NOT SLEEPY:

I really am happy to be happy with cosplay again. I'm happy to be surrounded by such wonderful supportive people

Especially as relationships are shifting, things changing and drifting apart, it makes me so grateful for the group I have around me now. I wouldn't know where to start in explaining how this is so new to me and how thankful I am for every kind word and the support I have now.

Like, my brain is always mean to me, but this is the first time I've felt like I belong somewhere and my company is genuinely wanted (granted, years of healing also helped put my mind in a better spot) but, yall fill my heart with such joy and I always want to cry w gratefulness

Hell, before wedding singer, every show at the space I would have some sort of meltdown, hiding in the bathroom, overwhelmed with my anxiety, family stuff, imposter syndrome, dysphoria, feeling so out of place
But yall gave me a place to belong, and helped me to accept that I did

And I definitely kept myself at a distance until that point
Just w/the familial nature of wedding singer+an appropriate amount of time to heal+was finally going to graduate+finally made steps towards justice, I was finally in a place where I could allow myself to open up more

And, let's face it, there were some phenomenal people in that cast who I hold dear to my heart. I loved my cast mates in shows before, but that show was really the turning point for me

Now that I look back, another factor that probably led to me finally feeling fully secure was when an issue came up that Abbie was swift to take care of to make sure I felt safe
And the shows I had the fortune of working with after were such a joy, American Idiot, Chavez Ravine

5 years ago i was left alone, at my absolute, rock bottom. But now, even with all the confusion and chaos going on, I'm in such a vastly better place, with incredible people who I love, but also pour that same kind of love back towards me. Yall make me feel like I have value

ANYWAYS RAMBLING AT THIS POINT. My brain is mush which is why I havent done art streams, but I love and appreciate the hell out of you beautiful, wonderful people. I dont remember what this thread was even about at the beginning. But I love you guys