Me and Passover, a thread

My dad z"l LOVED Passover
Absolutely loved the holiday, particularly the sedder and the opportunity to, a, cook, and b, teach the traditions to us and others
That's how we had this tradition of our own to invite our non Jewish friends who 1/

wanted to join us for the sedder, letting them ask all the questions they could have--and boy does this holiday invite questioning!
He loved reading the Haggadah from his bar mitsva, stained with wine and yellowed around the edges.
He loved having us around him, celebrating 2/

That's why it's so hard, painful, nonsensical almost, to keep on celebrating it without his warm voice singing Ma Nichtana with me bc he knew I hated to be the center of attention, his voice going far too low for the only sake of making my and my sister giggle

The holiday feels empty of its meaning without him and I confess, for the past 3 years, I have been unable to attend a sedder
But.
This year, Passover is not happening in a "normal" setting, is it? (What is normal, really)
And I miss him, more than ever.
I miss my sister, who 3/

shares his love for the ritual of the holiday, and is celebrating alone.
So, I pushed down his absence and brought back his presence, by cooking.
So, i made my own matzah meal (flour made of matzah, fyi) bc i couldn't find any but I had matzot 4/

So I'm making kneidleh (matzo balls) and chicken stock, that I shall eat tonight while watching Prince of Egypt, even though it's 24°C outside
To call his presence to my side and to be closer to my sister, 4000 km away 5/

All this thread to tell you that grief is a complicated thing, as is religion and obedience to the dogme and to the traditions
To all my Jewish friends, Hag Sameah and, yes, Next Year in Jerusalem (or anywhere, really, but with our loved ones)

#hagsameah #Passover2020