Dear Sir:

Thank you so much for inquiring about my bra size in your letter of April 7th (what size them titties??). In the case that you were unaware, the average woman only owns a handful of bras that see the light of day, and I am no exception.

I currently own three, they are Day Bra, Sexy Bra, and Sports Bra, and they range in size from 36B to (inexplicably) 38D, yet all seem to fit me. The process of determining one's bra size is a harrowing experience, not often repeated.

It involves exposing yourself in very close confines to a perky bitch with a tape measure. It is unpleasant, to say the least, and not something I wish to experience any time soon.

Let it suffice to say that they are at least a handful, if not a little bit more. Good day.