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For years, I built my identity around what I did professionally. When someone would ask me what I did, I would give them a canned response that included my job title and function. It never felt good; not once. It always felt hollow. Always made me feel too one dimensional \\1
Sounds cliché, but I absolutely did measure my own self-worth by my career progression: job title / responsibility, how much money I made, where I "was" relative to my friends and peers. Talking about my job did not bring me joy and yet, I allowed myself to be defined by it \\2
Two things happened that "saved me". First, I spent time thinking about the things that brought me joy as a child. Programming was one of them. Playing in the forests of Northern New Mexico and fishing with my dad were two others. \\3
There were other things, but it was the latter memories, that planted the seeds for personal transformation. The second thing that happened, was that, with help from my wife, I gave myself permission to pursue activities / learning outside of work. \\4
I have a very early memory of watching my dad's cousin Tommy fly fishing for trout on the Pecos river in Northern New Mexico and being in awe of him. I recounted the memory to my wife and that Christmas she got me a life changing fly fishing casting lesson with @AlvinDedeaux \\5
Of course, I was reluctant to go and I almost didn't make it within the year I had to do it. But I did make it and as a result, something new and beautiful blossomed in my heart. A new passion, a new adventure, a new opportunity to learn. \\6
Gardening caught me by complete surprise. I think I've always had a fascination (and romantic notion) with gardening and pastoral life: The Tale of Peter Rabbit and The Secret Garden were some of my favorites as a kid. I always enjoyed learning about historical figures like... \\7
John "Johnny Appleseed" Chapman, George Washington Carver, Maria Sibylla Merian, etc. I also have fond memories of picking apples in my great uncle's orchard & planting tulip bulbs with my parents. But, I never thought I'd pursue gardening like I did programming or fly fishing \\8
About 6 years ago, my wife and I did a road trip across the South to visit my parents at their new home in southeast TN. Along the way we randomly stopped at @bmuseum_gardens in Monroe, LA. I wasn't expecting the experience to be life changing, but it was. \\9
The botanical garden there is beautiful and well maintained, but so are many botanical gardens. I single it out because it's where I knew that as soon as I could, I would begin building my own. To me, gardens are sanctuaries. They are restorative. \\10
They are truly greater than the sum of their parts. They are a living memory. Ever changing. Always work. Enriching beyond compare. When Brooke and I moved into our house, this is what our backyard looked like. \\11
Now, 5 years later (from my kids falling apart playscape 
)... well at least this section. Still a WIP. Tons more to transform and grow. Lots of power washing in my future too. But there is not a day that goes by that I'm not thankful for this space and the work it requires. \\12
)... well at least this section. Still a WIP. Tons more to transform and grow. Lots of power washing in my future too. But there is not a day that goes by that I'm not thankful for this space and the work it requires. \\12
All of this to say that by letting go of the notion that I'm defined by my career and absolving myself of the guilt I once had for even thinking I could enjoy other pursuits, I have achieved a new balance in life which I believe has actually benefited me professionally. \\13
My mental health has improved greatly. I have learned to pay more attention to and seek the things right in front of me. I have learned to indulge my curiosity and creativity in new ways, which have led me to new places, new friends, and new communities. \\14
I have been able to connect with my kids in new ways and instill in them an appreciation for things that seem so simple, yet are not. To observe and appreciate the small wonders in life that we all to some degree ignore or take for granted. \\15
Thank you for coming to my TED talk :) \\16
