There is a part of me that is legitimately tempted to just, cut the Kingdom Hearts II video in half, and publish the first half soon, and then work on the second half later.

And, I am sure this is a good plan, logistically speaking, since the script is 42k words long, but my issue is there's no natural halfway point to cut off the analysis. There's like, a point 1/4th of the way through that'd work.

And maybe kind of a 1/3rd point that'd work, but the 1/3rd mark wouldn't feel creatively satisfying to end on, and the 1/4th mark feels way too early a point to cut it, since it means i have to do the video in 4 parts for the pacing to feel balanced.

Then again, maybe my struggle here is more related to my circumstance than just the length of the video itself. You may remember a couple weeks ago I was happily plugging away at the script and making good progress, but since then a lot about our living situation has changed.

I basically went from feeling safe and secure in a shared home to being rushed out the door into a new place, with that feeling of safety and security being fully pulled out from under me in the process.

And I am so, so bad at writing when I don't feel secure. If anything I think that may have been a factor in my struggles to keep videos coming after the first KH essay, as well as why each essay is taking as long as it is to come out.

*sighs* It feels partially like I might have no choice but to come to terms with the idea that I'm just not going to be able to get the KH2 video done any time soon, despite really, really wanting to finally commit to it.

And the worst part is, it's not even my fault. It's the fault of a couple selfish assholes who were genuinely awful to us, and left us out to dry just as this pandemic was starting to come into swing.

I already kind of hate them for that, but if they're the reason I can't put out KH2, I think I've found a reason to just, really, truly hate them, and what they did to two disabled trans folks who just wanted to try and find some stability in their lives.

so apparently writing this thread, and realizing that those motherfuckers might have taken my ability to make this essay away from me, filled me with just the right level of motivational spite to say fuck it, and plug away some more at the kh2 script

they can't take my creativity from me, even inadvertently. I aint letting that shit happen