How #Discworld characters would cope with lockdown:

Rincewind - has been hiding under the bed for the last few years anyway.

The Luggage - hibernating.

The Librarian - has locked the doors to the library after panic-buying bananas.
Granny Weatherwax - is furiously bored and bored of being furious at them what won’t stay home. Borrowing A Lot.

Nanny Ogg - Hitting the Scumble in the tin bath and insisting her daughters-in-law leave dinner on the porch, knock and back away.
Nobby and Fred - as key workers, still reluctantly on the beat. Nobby is spritzing himself with a foul-smelling potion from Mrs Cake. Mrs Colon has made Fred sleep in the shed.

Vimes - Wearing the lovely mask Sybil made him at all times. Furious about this.
Sybil - has converted the Sunshine Sanctuary into a temporary hospital, where patients receive a comfort dragon whether they want one or not.

The Assassins are considerately sanitising their arrows before putting them through targets' eyes
Ridcully says that he can't get ill on account of the special hot sauce he eats. Annoyingly, he's right.

The Bursar has floated up to the ceiling in an effort to practise social distancing.
Vetinari is repeatedly ignoring the guidelines he’s set for everyone else.

Drumknott is following guidelines to the letter.
Moist Von Lipwig has been placed in charge of the new universal credit system.

Adora has organised a Golem relief effort to keep essential services running. She’s very happy to keep her distance from everyone
Angua is probably immune because of genetics, but is angry at Carrot because he's not stopped going round the orphanages.

She is, however, reluctantly helping him deliver food parcels to the elderly
People are hiring Foul Ole Ron as personal protection - nobody comes within 6 feet.

Coffin Henry’s cough has, surprisingly, cleared up.
Magrat spent two months making a complicated tincture that is exactly as effective as Granny Aching's Sheep Linament.

Tiffany is rushed off her feet. The Nac Mac Feegle are upset that they’re now expected to bathe with some regularity.
You can follow @MakeYeFretPod.
Tip: mention @twtextapp on a Twitter thread with the keyword “unroll” to get a link to it.

Latest Threads Unrolled: