For the next constitutional amendment, I hope we limit legally permitted soups to be Efik/Ibibio and a few Igbo ones only. Banga will also be permitted.

All other poisons henceforward banned. Because, why on earth does anyone need a broom to make soup?

If your soup needs too much pepper to disguise how bad it really is, sorry, we’re banning it.

If the soup can’t stand alone without stew, you know what’s coming. Ban! Exile to Guinea-Bissau .