i’m gonna love tweet john mulaney but i’ll probably forget ab it

new in town just started he doesn’t look 29 he looks 12

i wish quicksand was a problem i’d throw some people in it

this tooth brush is bone dry

nancy grace made me think of nancy drew and i wanna watch that now bc sophia

and you’re a horse

i’ve gotten lost in new york but that’s bc my dad is stupid and blind and can’t see the street signs so i’m like dude wrong way

11 up and 1 over you simple bitch

today i met a boy with no eyes

13 year olds are the meanest person in the world

this thread this just me quoting things

look at that high waisted man he’s got feminine hips