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Over the last 6 weeks, I’ve been misgendered more than in the 1.5 years since I asked people to change the way that they describe me or address me. I've been told that it isn't important, people will forget, it's too hard, or that this particular 'battle' is not for now. (cont.)
It's a reminder that it's a polite accommodation that some folks have only a small investment in. I am familiar with it, because it's happened in other parts of my life, but I doubt very much that those doing it realise the impact of their priorities or the pain it can cause.
It's interesting, too, because I've only had one person actually indicate something that I thought many would think when I first came out, that this was not really very important and was just about naming and that it didn't matter to them.
I haven't observed it for others, and I hate to speak for other people, so I won't do that... but I can say for me that it has been devastating and has made me realise that - as with race/culture - people from outside of groups can often fail to understand nuances and impact.
Of course it buys into the deep-seated fear that I have (and that some others have talked about) that the group misgendering have never really understood or seen me differently, no matter the change I feel or the insistence I attempt to impose. It's a truly awful feeling.
I can only speak for my own experience, but it's like that sinking, heated feeling around race/ethnicity... when someone says something racist or stereotyped. For me, it's overwhelmingly frustrating and sad, and even though my work is on this, I feel a bit locked up about it.
I know it's a big IF, but if people have time to spend on better understanding gender diversity, there are a lot of resources online. I've tweeted about them before, but ultimately if someone tells you who they are, listen to them.
I do know that this sounds like it's all about me. But, I suspect if I'm experiencing it, it isn't isolated to me, or only present in relation to gender. And obviously while there is the personal, it's also (separately) my research work to call this out and to provide resources.
