I’m gonna spend the rest of the quarantine giving CHRIS REGAN WRITING TIPS, because I’m a professional writer. Anyway, Tip #1 is “Buy a Beret.”

Today’s CHRIS REGAN WRITING TIP! Tip #2: Get a job writing for television, especially network television. It’s a great way to make connections and possibly get a (junior) agent. There’s often lunch, which will help until you get on your feet (more).

Today’s CHRIS REGAN WRITING TIP! Tip #3: buy fun pins for your new beret (see Tip #1). I write comedy, so I have a pin that reads, "Why Be Normal?" If you do Sci-fi, maybe a "That does not compute, Spock." Let people know what kind of stuff you write with your beret! Sell you!

TODAY’S WRITING TIP: Tip #4: if you’re at a writers’ salon and someone asks “What’s your favorite comedy?” just say “Some Like it Hot.” You don’t have to have seen it, or like it (no one really does), but it’s the only acceptable answer.

TODAY’S WRITING TIP Tip#4: get Syd Field’s adage ACTION IS CHARACTER tattooed on your upper chest. When someone asks “What have you written,” unbutton your shirt and show them that. Then change the subject.

WRITING TIP # 5: Prepare your “meets.” Like when you pitch an idea, “This film is (famous movie) meets (famous movie.)” I use “‘Citizen Kane’ meets ‘Vertigo’” when pitching my new coming-of-age college comedy, “Boner U.”

WRITING TIP #6: Get an entertainment lawyer. They charge 5% (you can talk a good one into taking less) & protect your vision. Wish I'd had one when shopping my coming-of-age academic dramedy "UCLA(ID)" and was sued into making it "Boner U." (Glad I didn't get accepted there!)

WRITING TIP #7: Don't let anyone tell you Final Draft is the only software program. I use Flicktype for Windows. It's free as long as you promise to endlessly insist to every writer you know that it's better.

WRITING TIP #8: read the trades! I go into Starbucks every day w/ HARD copies of The Reporter, Variety, Photoplay & people know I'm in showbiz. In fact, they call me "Jack of All Trades" there. (That's the name I give them w/ my order. They usually only write JACK on the cup.)