Read on Twitter
I got obsessed with learning about the herensuge--I hadn& #39;t heard of it before today and now I WILL NOT REST until I track down some mythology--and now I& #39;m reading Basque stories. One involves 3 princes who decide they want to be servants even though they are entitled douches.
So one by one, they take a cake, and head out into the world (by which I mean "forest"). They encounter an old woman who asks for some cake and the first two say they& #39;d rather throw it in the mud than give her a single crumb, which is a bad move even outside of a fairy tale.
THEN, after saying they& #39;d rather throw food away than give her any, they ask the old woman for a FAVOR, which is just. WOW.
They ask her if she knows of anyone looking for a servant and she& #39;s like NOPE so they head onward. It& #39;s a forest, remember, and they encounter--
They ask her if she knows of anyone looking for a servant and she& #39;s like NOPE so they head onward. It& #39;s a forest, remember, and they encounter--
A GIANT MOTHERFUCKIN& #39; BEAR.
And the bear says, "Ant of the earth! Who has given you permission to come here?"
The first 2 princes say "Who should give it to me? I have taken it myself."
And they are IMMEDIATELY DEVOURED BY THE GIANT BEAR.
And I do not pity them.
And the bear says, "Ant of the earth! Who has given you permission to come here?"
The first 2 princes say "Who should give it to me? I have taken it myself."
And they are IMMEDIATELY DEVOURED BY THE GIANT BEAR.
And I do not pity them.
But I& #39;m sitting here like--of course. Of course, I get obsessed with tracking down a story about Basque dragons, and it turns out to have talkative bears. OF COURSE.
ANYWAY, the third brother is less of an insufferable asshole, and he not only gives the old woman some cake,
ANYWAY, the third brother is less of an insufferable asshole, and he not only gives the old woman some cake,
he says she can have it all if she wants (but she& #39;s like, no no, all I need is a little bit!). When he asks her if she knows of anyone looking to hire a servant, she gives him directions, and ALSO warns him about the GIANT ASS BEARS. AND she gives him a special bear-killin& #39; stick
So when Prince #3 gets to the bear and the bear& #39;s all YO, ANT OF THE EARTH, he hits the bear once, and the bear begs for his life. He demands to know how many bears there are--seven--and then he kills the bear because you do not fuck with talking murderbears.
Dude #3 makes it to a PALACE and asks if they& #39;re hiring and they& #39;re like as it happens, we& #39;re in need of a shepherd. They give him a room (they don& #39;t even see if he can shepherd first?) and the next day send him out. They add that, BTW, don& #39;t go on the mountain, because--
it& #39;s full of large murderbears. Also the sheep always want to go on the mountain so good luck buddy!
(I bet I know why they needed a shepherd.)
Sure enough the sheep head for the mountain, because the grass is apparently MUCH TASTIER where the murderbears are.
(I bet I know why they needed a shepherd.)
Sure enough the sheep head for the mountain, because the grass is apparently MUCH TASTIER where the murderbears are.
But our boy brought his trusty stick. Immediately, a murderbear appears.
Murderbear: "Who has given you permission to come here?"
#3: "I have taken it myself."
Murderbear: "I must eat you."
He seems more reasonable than the first murderbear, even if the result is the same.
Murderbear: "Who has given you permission to come here?"
#3: "I have taken it myself."
Murderbear: "I must eat you."
He seems more reasonable than the first murderbear, even if the result is the same.
But #3 thwacks him once with the stick; murderbear begs for his life, but as soon as #3 gets a murderbear population count, he thwacks him a second time and murderbear is dead. #3 hides the body in a hedge like a criminal, takes the sheep home, and their milk is A+.
Prince 3 makes great cheese with it and his Palace-bosses are thrilled with him and his shepherding abilities and his cheesemaking.
Next day, same thing. Day after, same thing. And so on until he gets to the Final Bear, who is FUCKING ENORMOUS but also aged & can& #39;t walk??
Next day, same thing. Day after, same thing. And so on until he gets to the Final Bear, who is FUCKING ENORMOUS but also aged & can& #39;t walk??
Final Bear says, "Why have you come into these parts?" which seems like a reasonable question. #3 hits him with the stick ANYWAY, and even I feel like that was rushing things a little. When Final Bear begs for his life he ALSO promises riches & "beautiful apartments"--
and "that they should live together." I& #39;ll let you write your own joke here.
#3 spares his life and sends the flock back WITHOUT HIM and instead goes with the bear up the mountain, "through hedges and hedges, and & #39;through the fairies& #39; holes& #39;" look this is too easy right now
#3 spares his life and sends the flock back WITHOUT HIM and instead goes with the bear up the mountain, "through hedges and hedges, and & #39;through the fairies& #39; holes& #39;" look this is too easy right now
Eventually they get to a "fine palace" which I guess none of the other humans noticed, or at least saw fit to mention? There& #39;s a table with a whole spread on it, and tons of servants (who are like yep, we& #39;re here for the murderbears), and horses already saddled up--
Do murderbears ride? Did Final Bear have them magically appear to appease his human guest? ... I prefer the image of Final Bear riding a horse. For fun.
#3 stays there with Final Bear for a few days and then decides, why not just take all this for himself, and kills Final Bear.
#3 stays there with Final Bear for a few days and then decides, why not just take all this for himself, and kills Final Bear.
By fairy-tale rules this is probably fine but I still think it& #39;s a dick move.
#3 gussies himself up in fine clothes and takes a fine horse and decides to roam about the countryside, lookin& #39; fine and rich. Eventually he gets to a city where the bells are ringing & ppl are frantic.
#3 gussies himself up in fine clothes and takes a fine horse and decides to roam about the countryside, lookin& #39; fine and rich. Eventually he gets to a city where the bells are ringing & ppl are frantic.
He& #39;s like, what& #39;s up, & they& #39;re like oh, nothing, just a SEVEN HEADED DRAGON that demands we feed it ONE PERSON, EVERY SINGLE DAY, NO BIG. And we draw lots for that shit and today it& #39;s the king& #39;s daughter and IT IS A WHOLE DEAL, bro.
#3 decides he wants in & rides to her.
#3 decides he wants in & rides to her.
She& #39;d been left at the foot of the mountain (dragons: they like mountain TOPS) and was riding up alone. #3 is like hey baby, I& #39;ll go with you, and she& #39;s like, you super do not have to, pretentious stranger.
He says: "Have no fear of me. I have a charm of might." Seriously.
He says: "Have no fear of me. I have a charm of might." Seriously.
Dragons know how to make entrances, and this is when the 7-headed beast shows up, LOUD and HISSING and "coming like lightning." NGL, I& #39;m rooting for the dragon to eat this guy. #3 takes the stick and hits one of the heads; it falls off. Yowza. And so with each head.
#3 takes each tongue and wraps each in a piece of a different dress the princess is wearing (she& #39;s wearing 7, I don& #39;t know why or how). He escorts her down the mountain but then leaves, for reasons unknown.
The king did the thing where he promised his daughter & 1/2 kingdom for
The king did the thing where he promised his daughter & 1/2 kingdom for
killing the dragon, bc patriarchy, and 3 charcoal-burners show up with the heads like WE DID IT, WE KILLED IT, but there are 3 of them so that basically goes to court. Meanwhile #3 shows up, all finely dressed on a fancy horse, and is IMMEDIATELY shown into the palace
bc he looks the part (the story actually says this). He& #39;s like so, those heads--they got tongues in them? And NOPE. He asks if the princess& #39;s dresses from that day happen to be missing any fabric and wow they ARE. And then he whips out those seven wrapped tongues.
Such a showboat. Anyway, he marries the king& #39;s daughter, the charcoal-burners were "dressed in a coat of sulphur [and] burnt alive in the midst of the market-place" & #3 and Princess lived happily ever after, dividing their time between BearPalace & her father& #39;s house.
All the men in this story were assholes and the best characters were, in order:
1. final bear
2. old woman in the forest
3. the sheep
4. (tie) seven-headed dragon
4. (tie) princess
5. fuck everyone else
the end
1. final bear
2. old woman in the forest
3. the sheep
4. (tie) seven-headed dragon
4. (tie) princess
5. fuck everyone else
the end
WHAT IS FAIRYTALE LAW HERE https://twitter.com/Quiara/status/1247718442561679361">https://twitter.com/Quiara/st...
I call Old Woman In Forest as a witness. Was the stick for murderbears only? Why does it take TWO thwacks to kill a murderbear but just ONE to kill a dragon-head?
