I recently shared an opinion that a pastor who questions CDC guidelines probably also disputes the seriousness of sexual abuse and domestic violence in his church, and probably also demonstrates narcissistic tendencies. I stand by my opinion, and here’s why. >

There is an evidence-based link between narcissism and superiority – the belief by a man that rules don’t apply to him, like the CDC guidelines. There is also good research about narcissism and abusive behavior. >

We know that many men are attracted to ministry not just out of a sense of calling, but a calling shaped and distorted by a desire for attention. This plays out as the ministry becomes about him rather than his people. >

My opinion was met with a barrage of insults by -- pastors. I was called dumb, illogical, and obsessed with sexual abuse. I am not dumb or illogical. I have read the research. These pastors have llikely not spent time in peer-reviewed journals reading this kind of research. >

By the way, I have been severely mistreated and abused by pastors. Those insulting me now are latecomers to the game; I’ve already been wounded in battle. They’ll have to try harder than Twitter insults to really hurt me. >

If by obsessed with sexual abuse those pastors might have generously meant “pursuing lifelong recovery”, then guilty as charged. I grant all sexual abuse survivors the right to pursue healing and justice all their lives. Be obsessed with recovery and justice every day. >

To call it an obsession means looking through a blurred lens shading sexual abuse as not pervasive and not an issue. Certainly nothing worth thinking about often, or in most survivors’ cases, every day of our lives. >

I credit @ryanllashton with noting that going to church often feels like walking into a crime scene. This is our reality. >

Call sexual abuse survivors wrong for painting pastors with a broad brush of suspicion. But we’ve seen too much. If pastors would police their own, this problem would decrease and trust increase. This will require pastors to speak up and out. The code of silence is just wrong. >

It is high time pastors collectively began to behave better online and to behave in ways that protect others. It is time for pastors to take abuse of all kinds seriously. It is time for pastors to police their own ranks so that we don’t have to do it for them. >

And finally, it’s time for narcissists in the pulpit to make way for those genuine of heart and spirit, even though the narcissists can’t see the problem. We need leaders who thrive on humility and service, quietly shepherding their flocks. It is time to take back the church. /