Can we start a thread of idiotic injuries? I’ll go first: I smacked my nose on my knee and fractured it while laughing at a meme

I’m gonna keep going because I have so many: Yesterday I very forcefully went to put my head on my pillow and it hit the wall instead. My head is still throbbing

I tried pulling on my jeans one time by the belt loops and somehow my thumb got stuck and i fractured it. It turned black

I was at Knott’s Berry Farm for a school trip and there are these low wooden fences. I tried to clear one of them but I didn’t jump high enough and I gashed both my shins on them. It was a literal bloody massacre, but my pride was more damaged than my legs ever will be

I was the cause of a new policy at the LA Convention Center (boat show) which cost thousands of dollars. Basically I was a toddler and I split my forehead open on a diamond plate. There’s too much to unpack here so I’ll just leave it at that

*continuing from the LA Convention Center: Instead of going to the doctor to get my head examined my parents took me to McDonalds. EVERY time I got up from the slide I bumped my head on the rim, and my gash got worse and worse. But I refused to leave (i have a scar now)

One time I was taking out two bags of trash, holding one in each hand. I was wearing flip flops and somehow one of them got wedged underneath our rug and i tripped. For some reason I thought holding onto the trash was more important so I didn’t catch my fall. I fractured 2 ribs

I had just gotten my ears pierced. I liked rough-housing with my dad and brother as a young kid and somehow my earring got snagged and went THROUGH my ear. So much BLOOD

“I can ride my bike with no handlebars” had just dropped. The year is 2009. I soon learned that I, in fact, could NOT ride my bike with no handlebars

I rejected shoes up until I was probably 10. I lived above my dad’s welding shop. I’ve stepped on more rusty nails and shards of glass than I care to remember

Moments ago: I spilled scalding hot marinara spaghetti sauce on my legs. I was wearing jeans. But damn, this hurts

HOW COULD I FORGET MY TEETH STORIES! I was roughhousing with my brother and dad again and my thumb knocked my two front teeth out as a kid. I have a scar on my thumb from where my teeth split it open

I was walking in the dark in a room I shared with my brother as a kid, and he had this miniature piano (child sized? idk) and I tripped on something and fell face first into the metal part of it, knocking out my lateral incisors and canines. (this happened after...1/2

my two front teeth were knocked out by my thumb. I was from then on known as “toothless” by everyone at school