So. @Toronto_Fringe is cancelled this year. I very much think this is the correct decision, but I’m still having a real sad time about it. I’ve been trying to figure out why, so here is a rambling thread about how I build up life narratives in my head. (1/?)

Probably like lots of people, I tend to narrativize my life. Too much. Obviously my life is not made up of unrelated events determined by happenstance and context I’m not even aware of! It’s all a logical story, maybe epic (we’ll see), possibly comedy or tragedy (we’ll see) (2/?)

And foolishly, I had created the narrative that this was the year that cool, talented people started to want to work with me. I had two TO Fringe shows lined up, both full of people I wouldn’t have had the courage to talk to at the fringe tent as recently as 3 years ago (3/?)

Not that I haven’t worked with cool, talented people before - but usually that was me as producer, bothering them until they signed on. This year, I thought... maybe I’ve worked hard enough, produced good enough work, that people want me on their team. (4/?)

Maybe this year would be a turning point for the better.

And so when Fringe was cancelled, it was like the Universe Narrative God saying, ‘Nope! Next year, everyone will have forgotten they wanted you in their shows. You had your chance, and your chance is cancelled.” (5/?)

I know this is a very silly and self-centred way to think. In the midst of a global pandemic, I realize I am very fortunate and privileged to be relatively safe. I’m aware there are worse ways this virus is affecting me and my loved ones. (6/?)

I also know that, had this all occurred any other year of my life, I would have found another way to create a narrative where COVID19 had personally shown up to ruin my life.
But also, I want to say that if you are feeling bummed about something getting cancelled (7/?)

that (in the grand scheme of things) isn’t that big of a deal… Well, realize it’s not just The Thing that was cancelled. It’s everything you attached it to in your mind. It’s the narrative you built of your life with The Thing in it. (8/?)

It’s ok to be sad about the non-life threatening parts of this pandemic, because really you're mourning all the ways your life (and life narrative) has been changed. (9/9)

Post-script: a very good song by Adam Schlesinger and CEG song team about how life isn't a story. Still really gutted by Adam's passing due to COVID19.