Autism, Depression and Sexual Desire: A Thread.

(Yes I know this is not something I usually post but I guess I think I need to put my personal engagements with my own sexuality while contending with my mild autism & clinical depression).

And yes, #sexpositivity.

For context, I am a cisgender and heterosexual man. I've Asperger's syndrome, a disease that is located in the spectrum of autism disorders. I also have mental health issues like clinical depression and general anxiety. And to top it all of, I do have a high sex drive. 1/n

Neurotypical and mentally healthy people (in my personal opinion, it might not be true) tend to have a stereotypical view of #autistic/ #neurodivergent individuals. They are supposed to act in a certain way and behave in a certain way. Any divergence is seen an oddity. 2/n

Among all the different ways we #neurodivergent people can defy the imposed set of expectations that #neurotypical people have of us is being sexual. Yes, if someone has #autism, then their sexuality and sexual desire is called into question and even ridiculed. 3/n

Yes, one of the core aspects of #AutismAcceptance is recognizing that we are humans with human desires too, including sexual ones. It is not my fault that my cognition makes me socially awkward and weird among other people. Heck, I don't know how #neurotypical people "think"! 4/n

Just to clarify the last tweet, when I said I don't know how #neurotypical people can "think", I mean I don't know how their cognotion works, how do they experience the world "better" than me? How are they able to understand the subtle gestures that I can't? 5/n

Anyhow, because of my autism, I have been ridiculed, bullied, taken advantage of, misunderstood, rejected, etc. All of these contributed to my #depression and #anxiety to some significant extent. Now my self-confidence and self-esteem is quite low. It has always been low. 6/n

Despite all of this, I am still sexual and I have sexual desires. However, I respect consent and try my very best to understand people's boundaries (and many have been quite clear and simple with their boundaries). However, I am a man and that is problematic. 7/n

It is problematic because I am cisgender and heterosexual, the kind of man whom women generally distrust and fear - even the ones who have #autism and #mentalhealthissues have to bear the consequences of what #neurotypical and #mentallyhealthy cishet men have done repeatedly. 8/n

Yes, cishet men are trash! #menaretrash! Especially those kinda men who have been patriarchal, entitled and abusive towards not just women but people like *ME*! My masculinity was always questioned nd doubted, because I'm not "normal". Who'd be attracted to an "abnormal" man? 9/n

And because of these pathetic excuse of human beings called cishet men sho are "normal" and "not mad" (while being entitled and privileged pieces of trash, women fear and distrust all of us! ALL OF US! And by "all", I also include men like me, the seemingly "abnormal" one. 10/n

And still I had my sexuality, my sexual desires, my erotic thoughts. But due to being always treated like shit by "normal" cishet men and the genuine distrust and fear that all women have of men, I started to feel trapped. At times I thought I wish I wasn't born and at other 11/n

times I felt like as an #autistic person with two #mentalhealthissues, having sexual desire is somehow "wrong" and it shouldn't define my existence.

But I am a human, and except for #asexual people (much love to them), humans ARE by far very sexual. 12/n

Sadly, due to cishet men and how they have created and benefited from class society and patriarchy, human beings (other than cishet men) can't express their sexuality. If you're a man like me, you are ridiculed and bullied. If you're a woman, things get worse. 13/n

No fuck that, things WERE and ARE already worse for women. Thanks to the "normal" cishet men, women have to live in constant fear. They have to carefully the kind of men they want to get romantically/sexually involved with without endangering themselves. 14/n

Moreover, it is again because these "normal" cishet men (I'm prompted to call them trash at this point) and their patriarchal society that women are forced to repress their sexuality and sexual desires. As long as sex is holy and sacred, rape culture will prevail. 15/n

So what happens to the "abnormal" men like me who also have sexual desires and sexualities? Yes, we have the "normal" men bully us and crush what little self-esteem have to pulp and women - in their caution, sexual repression and fear - ignore us! After all, I'm expendable! 16/n

So before lockdown, it was quite hard to find anything sexual that would involve comfort, consent and fun. Now that the lockdown is on, I feel more lonely because I can't go out and meet new people. I miss my friends and work from home is a sux. And I've a high sex drive! 17/n