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Another thing: the concept of "settling." I kind of think that this idea that unless I& #39;m the best at something, I& #39;m "settling," has been part of the reason I& #39;ve drifted from subject to subject, from career path to career path.
I& #39;m only 27, but I& #39;ve done: English BA, sexual assault advocacy, refugee resettlement support, English tutoring, freelance executive writing, Global Interactions MA, part of a Biology BA, and part of an English MA.
(This is not to act like I& #39;m some Renaissance Clam and therefore better than anyone else. It& #39;s just to show that I& #39;ve jumped around a LOT in a very short time.)
I& #39;ve been down on myself a lot for two things: the fact that I haven& #39;t created a coherent career, and the fact that I& #39;ve never been "the best" at anything. And a lot of this, I think, has to do with what I REALLY, REALLY want to do have always felt like "settling."
See, for most of my life, I have really wanted to work with animals - farm animals and domestic animals specifically. I come from a long line of farmers and people of the land, and so this has always felt very natural to me. Homesteading, farming - my DREAM.
But the "American dream," G&T pressure, academia, has all told me that I need to move *away* from my roots, to move into higher and higher echelons of society - to "make it" off the land and into the city.
And I hate that. I hate that what I really want to do feels so out of reach for so many reasons: disenfranchisement, debt, lack of skills. In reaching for what society wanted me to do, I have moved away from what I really wanted to do, what my heart has yearned for.
