Someone in authority in my little town has an unassailable affection for gazebos. We have dozens. Nobody sits in them. They just staked out another one in front of my house! During a pandemic! "How about a gazebo?" THAT CAN'T BE YOUR ANSWER FOR EVERYTHING, YOU MANIAC.

I guarantee some mid-level functionary in Port Hope, Ontario, has a giant stake in a gazebo-planning-and-manufacturing business. I'm ready to blow this shit wide open.

You know what this patch of grass doesn't need? ANOTHER FUCKING GAZEBO, PAUL.

UPDATE: My town has announced that because of COVID-19, construction of the gazebo across from my house has been postponed. Someone around here finally understands that gazebos will not save us from anything except slightly inclement weather or a sun that's directly overhead.

UPDATE: Ontario allowed municipal projects to continue yesterday so guess what's happening today? GAZEBO! Thank Jeebus it's here to save us. (Oh, the yellow tape is because the entire park is closed because of the pandemic.) BUT NOTHING WILL GET IN THE WAY OF OUR GAZEBO. #hope

UPDATE: Societies might rise and fall, but this tiny McDonald’s-looking gazebo will stand empty forever.

UPDATE: Today the gazebo got a metal roof that is reflecting a beam of light so intense at my house, it is melting the windows. The gazebo is turning my house into another gazebo. We are now battling two plagues in Port Hope, Ontario, Canada.