A thread -

What Pac-12 coaches look like their job would be if they weren’t football coaches.

Nick Rolovich, Washington State: owner of the shadiest strip club in town.

David Shaw, Stanford: surgeon specializing in weight loss surgery who never believes people when they tell him they’ve stuck to their diets.

Jimmy Lake, Washington: assistant manager at one of those skeezy rent to own appliance stores.

Clay Helton, USC: Potato farmer who swears he was abducted by UFOs that one night when he was planting.

Karl Dorrell, Colorado: pediatric dentist with a big box of toys, but it’s mostly cheap knock off stickers of characters no kid has ever heard of.

Mario Cristobal, Oregon: High school vice principal that brings in the troubled kid, sits on his chair backwards, and says “this isn’t the way, brother.”

Jonathan Smith, Oregon State: Certified Public accountant who has been saying “I’ll build the swing set after tax season, Karen” for two years.

Kevin Sumlin, Arizona: TSA supervisor who comes over to take away your unopened bottled water and tells you how sorry he is, then gleefully chuckles back at his station. Another Fiji water is his.

Herm Edwards, Arizona State: disbarred divorce attorney who had been censured for inappropriate relations with clients. Tried to get a judgeship several times, chose to retire and spend his days sanding his boat and drinking light beer.

Chip Kelly, UCLA: gruff, small town New England sheriff with a heart of gold. Goes to a greasy spoon diner every morning for a slice of pie or cake. When he catches kids drinking he’ll give them a ride home and threatens to tell their Pa if he catches them again.

Justin Wilcox, Cal: Successful real estate agent who parks his seven series Beamer in the driveway during a showing and asks you if you’ve ever tried CrossFit. Squeezes your bicep when you ask if the fan in the master bathroom works.

Kyle Whittingham, Utah: Fire Department chief who mows his elderly neighbors lawn and helps the young neighbor with power tools. Beloved by his community, although he’s let a few houses burn down because he didn’t think it was safe to get too close.