Today:

5.32am Rescue lamb from wrong side of fence. Again. Same gobby lamb. Same fence. #swear

Do all poultry chores, get attacked by Sir Bastard the goose. Drop basket of eggs. #swear

2 hours of power grooming MIL's incredibly awkward, small, ticklish princess dog. Painkillers for back ache. Observe state of kitchen. #swear

More painkillers, itch (dog hair) and continue digging vast virgin veg plot whilst herding cats from using seed trays as loo. #swear

Take surprised dog back to MIL who proclaimed it's a crap job, but free, so on reflection it'll do. #swear

Realise it's your sisters birthday and you forgot again. Well you didn't forget she has a birthday, just quite when. #swear

Dig cat shit out of squash seedlings. #swear

Regret not stockpiling anything, mostly gin. #swear

Stop, alerted by stuck lamb noise. Remove hurdle from hen run to block twat lamb gap. #swear

Return to garden to find hens dust bathing in seed trays. #swear

Realise I'm actually incredibly lucky to have such a hectic lockdown. Raise a cup of coffee (pretend it's gin), wish everyone a safe, not too frustrated week. Thoughts with those truly holed up. Keep safe, you're brilliant, my respect for you is immeasurable. XX #homage