I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you’re able to get on social media without the person abusing you constantly looking over your shoulder, then I hope you see this - you’re not alone.

If my abuse happened during these scary times, I’m not sure how I would’ve coped. I wanted to try do a thread just to reach out a little bit because it must be really tough for you right now. I don’t know if this will reach you, but I hope that it does.

The man who abused me was a family member, both as a child and then again later as an adult. There were elements of coercive control when I was an adult and I’ll never forget how isolating and confusing that was.

When the abuse is happening during Lockdown, and you’re stuck at home with the abuser, it must feel so much more scary and overwhelming. It’s hard to do, but try to trust your gut when you can. It’s usually right.

Your abuser might be taking advantage of the situation and stepping up the abuse. They might do things to emotionally hurt you, but done so in a way where you end up doubting yourself and your feelings.

For example, the man who abused me as an adult used to do things that I would find hard to explain to others if I ever wanted to try reach out. He did that on purpose. It was very calculated.

And so if there’s stuff happening to you, but you just can’t find the words for it because of fearing you won’t make sense or be believed - I hear you and I believe you.

Everything must feel so much more amplified right now. I used to feel like I was screaming but nobody could hear me. To feel that way at the same time as being in Lockdown, must be so unbelievably difficult, I can’t imagine.

I used to feel like I was exaggerating. I’m trying to use an example, but even now, years after the abuse, I’m struggling to put words to it. Just please know that they do this kind of stuff to make you doubt yourself and make you scared to reach out.

OK I’ll try use an example. So one time, at a family party, he squeezed me quite tightly, when squeezing past me to get to his chair, but he did so on a place where I was already experiencing pain/due to have surgery.

Doing it this way meant that I would find it v hard to explain to others what he did and try and call it what it was - abusive. Because he did it in plain sight. So everyone there would say he didn’t mean to hurt me, that he was just trying to get past me and it was an accident.

And when I did finally try to tell somebody, it sounded like I was exaggerating, or I felt like I was. When you try tell someone about the abuse and they ask you what they actually did, it’s hard to explain when coercive control is used.

There are LOADS of “little incidents” in your mind that all come together to make one big massive pain, and you probably feel like it’s not even that bad and so you struggle to get it out. Abusers like to do stuff like this. They *know* it will be hard to convey to others.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that you know the truth. You know what’s happening and you’re not exaggerating, lying or just plain wrong. Listen to your gut. What they are doing is abusive.

It’s hard to recognise that there are others out there who “get it” when you are feeling as isolated as you possibly are doing during this lockdown. But we are here and we believe you.

Even if you *do* reach out, often people might say “just leave”, but the “just leave” brigade sound even more ridiculous now that we are in Lockdown. It’s never as simple as just leaving.

And nobody should put pressure on you to do so. But there are people and organisations out there who will listen and support you the best they can without actually trying to tell you what to do.

I’ve zoned in a bit on emotional abuse, just because I know how hard that can be to actually explain to others at the best of times, but during Lockdown - it must feel so intense and overwhelming.

I guess I just wanted to try get across that you’re not alone. Whether the abuse is physical, sexual, emotional - whatever is happening that’s abusive - you are not alone. We hear you. We believe you. You matter.

This site might be useful. Also @womensaid @RefugeCharity And this twitter account posts some good stuff about coercive control: @CCCBuryStEd https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/gender-violence/domestic-violence-and-abuse-organisations-which-give-information-and-advice/