I’ve seen a lot of people say “it’s ok if you gain weight during this time” and that’s 100% true. What I don’t like is people saying it’s not ok to say you’re scared of gaining weight because that’s fatphobic and your fatter friends are hearing that you think they’re disgusting.

And I want to say that it is okay to be scared of gaining weight. Yes the media shames fat bodies as gross and it absolutely should not. However as someone who has spent my entire adult life with an eating disorder, telling me that I’m a horrible human being for having ...

Said eating disorder is not okay.

Most people I’ve ever known with an ED don’t think fat people are gross. I don’t. That’s not how it works. We see ourselves as separate. It isn’t a disorder of comparison. Of being tricked by the media.

It’s a dangerous mental health condition that kills thousands of people a year. So if you are struggling right now with binging or restricting or purging and your anxiety is at an all time high because of it. It’s ok.

I’m terrified. I’ve gained a lot of weight this year and though I see people much larger than me and think they’re beautiful and god I would kill to look like them, I see myself as a lumpy mess, a bag of skin holding expanding rocks of self loathing.

I spent the year before last starving myself, but now I can’t stop eating. I’m terrified of gaining weight because of the lack of control. Of feeling like my body is a prison that I don’t fit inside. So please let me be scared of that without feeling guilty of that as well.