Recently I& #39;ve been wondering what life would be like if I had a parental figure in my life that I felt I could actually rely on. I love my dad so much but tbh it was always felt like I was the one caring for him when I still saw him and I don& #39;t trust my mom in the slightest.

It& #39;s a pretty depressing thing to think about but oh well I guess. The number of friends I have is shrinking but the ones I have now mean so much to me it& #39;s unreal. But it still sucks that I& #39;m never gonna get to have a typical healthy relationship with my parents

I hate to think that this could be my fault but with my anxiety I can& #39;t help it, I feel awful about it really. I feel like the way I am now is a bi-product of family therapy that didn& #39;t work and having to deal with all my issues on my own and it sucks

I desperately want to have that typical parental relationship with my parents but like never mind ig. But this is getting too sad so I& #39;m gonna stop adding to this thread now.