Recently I've been wondering what life would be like if I had a parental figure in my life that I felt I could actually rely on. I love my dad so much but tbh it was always felt like I was the one caring for him when I still saw him and I don't trust my mom in the slightest.

It's a pretty depressing thing to think about but oh well I guess. The number of friends I have is shrinking but the ones I have now mean so much to me it's unreal. But it still sucks that I'm never gonna get to have a typical healthy relationship with my parents

I hate to think that this could be my fault but with my anxiety I can't help it, I feel awful about it really. I feel like the way I am now is a bi-product of family therapy that didn't work and having to deal with all my issues on my own and it sucks

I desperately want to have that typical parental relationship with my parents but like never mind ig. But this is getting too sad so I'm gonna stop adding to this thread now.