Thread:

Since there seems to be no understanding of what sexual molestation/assault can do to people (as seen here), let me tell you what I learned from meeting an attempted rape survivor that I then tried to comfort after she was groped by someone she knew. 1/? https://twitter.com/magicalkingdomx/status/1247231676062801921

First and foremost, the experience is devastating and has the potential to ruin a person.

My friend when I met had spent years overcoming the distrust she adopted in response to the attempted rape, having to learn to no longer fear people so that she could bond 2/?

She had unfortunately been blamed when it happened to her, so not only did she have to overcome the fear of interactions with others, she also has deep-rooted insecurities regarding being a perceived bother to others 3/?

Luckily, she had grown to the point of willingly meeting someone face to face that she had first met online, and thus had no guarantees that I was gonna be who I said I was. The insecurities still remain though.

And then recently she got groped 4/?

She considered the bastard who did it to be a friend when it happened, and the asshole blew it off as a ”so what?” when she confronted him about it.

Her first reaction was to blame herself for ”missing the signs”, and she was terrified of the prospect of being blamed 5/?

It was so bad that when she got overwhelming support from family and friends this time around she was in disbelief and broke down.

The damage that dick did was so bad that she was panicking at the thought of going to see her gynecologist for a check scheduled weeks before 6/?

Good news first: she’s back to normal now. The support she got plus an incident-less visit to the gynecologist manages to calm her down enough for her to dismiss the fears that had built up after the incident. 7/?

For those that still don't get the point: From what I’ve seen, sexual misdeeds are destructive. They make the victim doubt their intuition, their moral core, their sense of justice, and their own worth as a person. 8/?

The victim can wind up isolating themselves out of fear, anxieties rack up, their mental health crumbling as they question their ability to judge people, their sense of right and wrong cannibalizes itself as they end up blaming themselves, and their self-worth collapses. 9/?

If you are strong of will, you might be able to keep the facts straight and realize you’re the victim and the fault lies with the aggressor, but the thing about this is that suffering this also seems to weaken the will until it potentially vanishes. 10/?

So those people that do manage to speak out are freaking strong emotionally to pull it off, and are a minority.

the rest just collapse and need YEARS to partially recover. And even then, the ghost of the trauma stays.

As dramatic as the term is, it's soul murder. 11/?

Now imagine being Tara Reade or anyone else being assaulted by a powerful person they may or may not have idolized. Everything I mentioned before is amplified by 10, and impotence is added to the mix because how can you ever hope to take someone like that on? 12/?

If you’re lucky the news will be objective and believe you enough to investigate. If you’re lucky the justice system will be fair and unbiased as they review the evidence. In most cases, that ain't what happens. In most cases they will be against you. 13/?

The whole f*cking point of #MeToo is to level the playing field, give the victims objective coverage, investigation, and justice while providing a community that will support victims and helps them heal. Can it be a lynch mob sometimes? Sure. Is it a noble endeavor? fuck yes 14/?

With all this in mind, let's return to that tweet at the start of the thread. Do you think saying ”it sucks you got assaulted, but at least it wasn't x” is any kind of consolation, or help?

No.

In fact, it gives offenders more leeway, less responsibility. 15/?

”Sure I’m violating this person’s body, mind, and soul, but at least I’m a nice person and not Trump”.

Nevermind how hostile this makes the environment for the victim, as if there wasn't enough damage with just the violation itself. 16/?

I could keep ranting, but you get the point.

Please note that I say ”people”, not ”women”. Both genders can be victims, both genders can be aggressors, the damage done to the victim is just as devastating if he's a man.

Also: don't believe all victims off the bat... 17/?

Unfortunately, there are enough cases of false accusations, misacusations, or misunderstandings that you can't be sure in the beginning.

If someone tells you, the best course of action is emotional comfort, and take the accusation seriously. 18/?

But if your response is to disbelieve the victim off the bat, or worse yet blame the victim, you’re a rotten scumbag that needs to seriously re-evaluate. That goes triple if you acted like an ally in the past, and now contradict yourself. 19/?

If the victim tells you, it's because they trust you even though they don't know who to trust anymore. And if you betray that trust with hypocritical BS, you’re a monster.

I hope this thread helps understand and empathize. Sorry if I triggered traumas on accident.

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