I got cheated on 4 times during a toxic relationship.

- a thread about the process of healing and fixing the broken pieces of myself

I decided to make this thread not because I want to hate on my ex again. I made this thread because I want to share the lessons I’ve learned along the way. The realizations I’ve made throughout all the pain and suffering. To anyone reading, I made this for you to know your worth.

I won’t go into detail about how the relationship ended but I caught him cheating 4 times, and the 4th one being the reason why we broke up. I know, ang rupok ko di ba? Ang tanga. I forgive people so quickly kasi. Isang sorry lang at konting lambing, okay na. Ganon ako.

So it came to me as a surprise the last time I caught him cheating. I thought it was going to be just another stupid fight but I was wrong. When I confronted him, I was shocked when he told me he wanted to end the relationship. April 1 yun, so I was wishing na sana joke lang.

But no, it was real. The sad part is that I was just waiting for him to say sorry so that I can forgive him and we can just go back to normal again. But this time, ayaw na niya. Sabi niya, hindi na daw niya dama ang love. And that nahulog na ang loob niya sa babae.

That crushed me. How can he throw away everything we have just for a girl he met online 8 DAYS AGO? Samantalang ako, I chose to stay despite everything he did to me. I fought for us even if my friends and my family wanted me to remove him from my life.

Nag flashback sa akin lahat ng pinagdaanan namin. I could go on and on about dun but that would make this thread super long. But that’s not really the case. In the end, pag ayaw na sa’yo ng tao, it won’t matter to them kung ano ang mga sinakripisyo mo para sa kanila.

Kapag ayaw na sa’yo ng tao at may gusto na silang iba, all they would think of is how much they like the other person. Truth is, hindi na mahalaga sa kanila ang mga pinagdaanan nyo at ang mga future plans nyo. Kalilimutan na nila yun and none of that will change their mind.

Makakalimutan na nila yun kasi they are already planning other things for this new person that they like. Iiwan ka pa rin nila kung gusto nila. The best thing for you to do now is to stop begging for them to love you again and just start moving on.

Alam ko, ang daling sabihin pero ang hirap gawin. Personally, I didn’t take the breakup well. I tweeted ugly and petty stuff. I found myself talking shit about him. I blamed everything on myself. I begged for him to take me back. At that moment, I felt like I didn’t know myself.

However, it’s okay. I realized that I shouldn’t feel sorry and guilty because I’m sad. I literally got cheated on and got dumped afterwards, it’s okay to breakdown and cry about it. My feelings are valid and no one can tell me otherwise.

Of course, hindi mawawala ang moment wherein you would stalk your ex and his new girl ng paulit ulit. I ended up questioning my worth, getting so insecure that I would cry everytime I would see my reflection, and losing my appetite that I literally would starve myself.

Paulit ulit kong tinatanong ang sarili ko. Panget ba ako? Ano kayang wala ako na meron yung babae? Bakit kaya sobrang dali para sa kanya na ipagpalit ako? Anong mali sa akin? Those questions and more wouldn’t let me sleep for days. I would wake up feeling like shit.

I’ll be able to sleep but end up having bad dreams about him. Kaya pagkagising ko pa lang, ang aalmusalin ko ay luha. I had no one to talk to sa bahay and I needed to pretend that I was okay and that nothing was wrong with me. That went on for a dew days.

Buti na lang hindi ko siya nakikita so it was easier for me to move on. I am also grateful because I have such amazing friends and even mutuals that would constantly check on me if I was okay. Sharing about how I felt to them helped me so much in coping with the breakup.

A few days later, I found myself obsessed with looking for new guys to talk to. Pinipilit ko ang sarili ko to feel something and to like someone new just so I can get revenge and prove that I can replace him agad.

I met some great guys along the way. Pero I realized rin na I was simply not ready for something like that pa ulit. Hindi ko kailangan gumamit ibang tao just to get back at my ex. It’s not worth it because I know he wouldn’t care.

What I really needed was to give the love that’s left in me for myself. It’s best if I would invest my time in improving myself instead of plotting a revenge plan for my ex. I found that I felt more complete and happier when I prioritize myself, not anyone else. It felt freeing.

A few days after the breakup and the messy bitter part, I am finally in the stage of acceptance and self love. Yes, part ng self love ang pag aayos sa sarili, making myself delicious food, binge watching on Netflix while snacking, and basically just making myself happy but...

Self love is also choosing to let go of toxic people who couldn’t really contribute to your growth. Sometimes, self love is making difficult decisions and changes in your life. Self love can hurt too. But the hurting will pay off and be worth it eventually.

I am now starting to get back to my favorite thing to do in the world which is writing poetry. I am more productive in the house and I have been spending more quality time with my family. These are some things I couldn’t do when I was with him because he became my priority.

I guess I made the mistake of loving him too much na wala na akong itinira sa sarili ko. Why? Because I was afraid na kapag kulang ang pagmamahal na ibinigay ko, iiwan niya ako. I didn’t know that either way, iiwan pa rin naman niya ako. And it’s really not my fault or problem.

A person who really loves you would not leave you and give up on you no matter what. Sa tamang tao, you would never be too little or too much. Sa tamang tao, hindi mo kailangan magmakaawa para mahalin ka nila ng tama. Kusa nilang gagawin yon, you wouldn’t need to ask.

Looking back, I guess the reason why I stayed is because I felt trapped. I gave him everything. Everything. And everytime I would think of leaving, I was afraid that I would take nothing with me. I was afraid that if I left him, ako ang talo at ako ang mawawalan.

As I think about it now, hindi naman ako ang nawalan. Losing someone toxic is actually a gain. A few days ago, I was sad and miserable because I got cheated on and dumped. But now, it feels like a win. I just feel relieved now that I wouldn’t need to go through that hell again.

Losing someone like that also made me see all the other blessings that I once took for granted. My friends who never made me feel like I was facing this alone, my dogs who would always kiss me and cheer me up when I was crying in my room, and my family - happy and complete.

I know na wala pa ako sa dulo ng moving on process. I still have a long way to go. Pero I can say that I’ve already made peace with myself. Mahal na mahal ko ang sarili ko and I am ready to face the world again as a brand new Cheskie.

As of now, I have everything I need to conquer the world again. Alam ko sa sarili ko na I am a strong woman and through courage and determination, maaabot ko ang mga pangarap ko. And I don’t really need a guy like that to hold me back.

That ends this thread! Know your worth, guys. You ARE good enough. You are more than good enough.