I've been feeling really down lately, so down I think I want to come out to someone.
Before, I was able to keep it private by "dressing up" when no one is home, and keeping my gender identity a secret to everyone, except to people I met online and went on dates with (1/?)

Now with everything going on (covid), I am not dating, and my family is staying home, which means I can't express my gender at home or with a date.

Everyday I am feeling more and more depressed, and I feel if maybe if I came out to someone I know personally it might help (2/?)

The problem is I have extreme trust issues, and I don't feel like there is anyone I know who I can trust with my gender identity.

Full disclosure, I live in an extremely anti-LGBTQ+ country and my past experiences did not help my anxiety around this whole thing. (3/?)

My trust issues are so deep that I can't even get myself to tell my very close LGBTQ friends.

And I can forget about seeing a therapist for this shit because I'm uninsured and can't afford it.

So basically I just wanted to vent here because I don't know what else to do. (4/?)

I don't know how anyone would react if I told them, and that's what makes me nervous.

The only reason I can even function in my dating life is because I won't even show someone a picture before I basically know they accept who I am.

I know I am overthinking everything (5/?)

I know that at least my LGBTQ friends would accept me, but for some reason I can't bring myself to tell them. I have a fear they might say I am fake or crazy or something. I have a fear that they won't be able to keep it a secret and it will reach my family. (6/?)

I even know my mother doesn't hate LGBTQ people, she has some regressive views sure, but she ultimately accepts us, yet I can't convince myself she'll react positively.
I don't know what to do, but this thread has gone on for too long so I'm ending it.