Queer Family: A Wholesome Story of my Evening, told in several parts.

If you want to know how I acquired three very different children, ask another time. Tonight is the tale of how they ganged up on me. Lovingly. With a single demand and a united front.

First, Ruby.

Tonight was the first time she's seen my beard. In this moment, she is pronouncing it "very very very cute, papa! I love your little beard!" I wasn't expecting her to object, but still, it's a lovely affirmation from a five-year-old.

This is just an adorable picture, but also, around here in the conversation is when she decided I should grow my beard to be as long as Rapunzel's hair. She demonstrated, running the length of the hallway and back, telling me it needed to be at least that long.

Of course, five-year-olds only talk with you for so long, and it had been a while since I'd checked in with Eliza. She's the oldest at 21. She's amazing and beautiful and loves seeing pictures of Ruby, so I shared these, and then... this happened.

I could see where this was going, so even before she said she'd get @queer_elf_club in on it, I was scrambling to get to him first. But my plan backfired. I reached out via the group chat I share with him and his mom. Some of you know her as @saucymincks. She's in this story too.

Great, so now the girlfriend agrees too. Although to be fair, she mostly just couldn't resist. I mean, a personality test recently put me as Dr. Ian Malcolm first with Dumbledore a close second.

So, as Eliza said, I ran to TikTok, still hoping to head her off, but to no avail:

Because, as it turned out, Eliza was more persuasive than I was.

Eliza had a very good time celebrating her victory over me and used that time to put on some killer makeup, because she's staying home in style these days.

And I didn't get to actually chat with Soy tonight (probably just as well, sleep is important!) but it feels wrong to leave his pretty face out of this, so here's a shot from his dance class last week, the first day with his new haircut:

So that's the story of how my children lovingly bullied me into growing my beard into something truly magnificent, and I'm no good at saying no to any one of them, much less all three. I guess we'll see, right?

I don't know the last time I felt this happy or this loved...

...and at least the five-year-old doesn't make faces at me when I tell her how much I love her. Yet. At some point I'm sure she'll learn. Probably from Eliza, who has some serious eyeroll game.

Queer family, y'all. Very wholesome.

fin.