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Happy three months! <3
It& #39;s still early days.. and I usually don& #39;t comment before I& #39;m sure of something especially given how my past panned out haha (through no fault of my own!) I mean, I couldn& #39;t control how others thought of me so yeah. But Save Your Tears by The Weeknd is WAAAAAAH
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="đ€©" title="Star-struck" aria-label="Emoji: Star-struck">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="đ»" title="Smiling cat face with heart-shaped eyes" aria-label="Emoji: Smiling cat face with heart-shaped eyes">
Anyway. There is something more important than this that I have to address, and I donât know how to. Honestly. I just donât know how to. So I guess Iâll just try to delicately tackle the subject matter. There are so many people who have hurt me - whether they have wanted to or no
T. And here I am, supposedly living the life, holed up in my room in Toronto, Canada, with people who probably wished I was someone else. Iâm messy, wild, and am just about to explore and soar with my spread out wings. Youâd think theyâd appreciate that, but no. They are insensit
Ive and honestly, a burden to my growth just as much as they must perceive me to be. Waking up everyday is so tiring and frankly, I just donât have the energy for it. So on to my next hang-up in life. I was greatly embarrassed by my âbreak-upâ in 2019, right before leaving for th
Is damned and horrible place. I was never allowed to speak of that incident. But I guess I did what I could or what I felt best for me at the time. Kasi may gusto pa kong patunayan nun. May hindi pa ko nagagawa sa life ko, which is this insatiable hunger within me to prove my fuc
King ex wrong. Just to be clear, fucking yan, di âkingâ ex. Ha ha. But I guess fitting din sa narrative ng buhay ko which has seemingly played out, kasi nung time na yun (nung sobrang sakit for me) para nga siyang âkingâ kuno. I never tried to discount that kasi wala rin akong ma
Sabi. And my most recent ex would probably not understand that. I guess di ko rin masabi kay *toot* lahat. Anyway, for what itâs worth, for all intents and purposes, you must know the following: I love you more for what you did for me in 2018, for how you made me feel, and for wh
At you represented more than I did you for who you were. Ewan. Siguro narerepel ka rin sa akin. Idk, but subtly, underneath it all, you must think it too. Na hindi tayo compatible. Na ang kalat ko for you. Or maybe it was my poor self-esteem talking. Nonetheless, when we were an
Item, idk why i wasnât as happy or so super happy like how Iâd claimed to be. I did have fun naman with you, but somehow I always felt like it wasnât meant to be. It was attractive for me that you were in ls, and that you had a vulnerable past like I did. But I donât know. Anyway
Iâm just sorry na ginawa ko lahat ng yun even as I felt at the time that those actions were the best for me given my enemy: the unknown. But here I am. I hope I could stand in front of you and seek this from you personally. But obviously I canât. Ewan ko bakit pero feeling ko nun
The whole time we were together, nasa isip mo pa rin siya. Na you werenât as invested in me as Iâd hoped. Ewan ko, maffeel mo naman yun. And I honestly felt like you were too young for me. Dun siguro ako nabastos, natapakan. Nakakahiyang aminin na hindi into you ang guy diba. Kay
A siguro ako ganun, kasi feeling ko you were my first endeavour after my ex. Na ikaw yung first time kong mapatunayan na may kaya akong gawin after him, na kaya kong ma-âwantâ ng ibang guy. You were my goalpost for believing or thinking that I had moved on from that fattie. Assho
Le. Pero trust that nung panahong binigyan kita ng halaga, totoo ata yun. Kahit di ko pa nun mahal sarili ko. You helped me move on from Ozner. Kaya di mo pa ako mahal nun. Kasi di pa ko handa at siguro ikaw din. Reflection tayo ng isaât-isa. Joke. Di ko alam. I can never be sure
Anyway. Before I digress, yun yun eh. Di mo ako deserve kasi di pa kita talaga mahal at kilala. You just kept me going during those months when I felt like di ko na kaya. However, I must admit that it was an attraction that has reached dangerous and disproportionate heights. You
Gave me a high, put me on a high. But iba pa rin yung high na naibigay nila *** nung 2012, when he was the og one who liked me. He and *** were the ones who I felt most myself nung gusto ako nung una at gusto ko yung huli. Higher - Carly Rae Jepsen. 2012 meant a lot to me, & I fi
Nally felt like 2018 was 2012âs complement or that I had finally come full circle. Anyway. I guess Iâm just ashamed to say that Iâm sorry for not loving or treating you right. I always question myself why I didnât give more than what was necessary, when you were so easily a paral
Lel of my first love. Maybe itâs precisely because natuto na talaga ako from that experience - but most importantly, I guess itâs because di ko pa nun mahal sarili ko. The only real thing I knew was that I so desperately wanted to feel or be appreciated by you, but I always some
How felt like there was something wrong or lacking in that we couldnât be fully ourselves. Anyway, I wish I respected you more - but I also wish you were more honest or transparent with me so that I wouldnât have to chase you. Instead of chasing other dreams, u became my sole dre
Am- and this was what pushed me over the edge in January. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="đ€Ą" title="Clown face" aria-label="Emoji: Clown face"> so now. I donât want to kid myself, as this is probably going to hurt like a motherfucker (just like how Adam sang it out in 2015, the absolute worst year of my life - 2016-2017, too). Iâm sorry for blocking you, or for
The way Iâve treated you. Thatâs all. You probably have someone new, or someone else, and as painful as that thought always is naman para kahit kanino, Iâd still prefer to not think about it and hopefully learn to accept it so that I wonât look stupid. I mean, itâs fine if i dont
, as we cannot accept something we arenât ready for (I posted about this on my ig), but itâs okay so long as I know who I am and where Iâm headed. You make it difficult for me to face myself, but I hope in time kasi I could find it in me to be strong enough to accept you - even
As a friend. And i hope - given Twitterâs public nature and my refusal to block my followers or haters - that i mean what i say, and say & do what I mean. Anyway, I hope may magawa kang maganda sa buhay ko. I hope your presence (or lack of it) teaches me to love myself. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="đ€Ą" title="Clown face" aria-label="Emoji: Clown face"> bye.
