PART TWO of my twitter book. For PART ONE see the link.
A few days after the dinner, President Xi tapped on my door. He wanted to know whether I would be interested in attending a meeting of the partyâs central committee that afternoon. I answered enthusiastically .. https://twitter.com/CliveWismayer/status/1246520125148270595">https://twitter.com/CliveWism...
A few days after the dinner, President Xi tapped on my door. He wanted to know whether I would be interested in attending a meeting of the partyâs central committee that afternoon. I answered enthusiastically .. https://twitter.com/CliveWismayer/status/1246520125148270595">https://twitter.com/CliveWism...
.. & Xi said they would send a car. âOh,â he said âas your Mandarin seems good enough, Xing will not accompany you. A car will be sent for you. Be ready at 2â.
At the appointed time, the car arrived & took me out of the compound for the first time in months. I took in ..
At the appointed time, the car arrived & took me out of the compound for the first time in months. I took in ..
.. the quiet streets on the short journey to party HQ. I was ushered into the committee room where 30 or so party functionaries waited. They were not readily distinguishable. All were male, of a similar age & wore dark suits. After the ritual of greetings & pleasantries I was ..
.. seated on a chair surrounded on three sides by the functionaries, all facing me. It felt like the trial in Wuhan, especially when the lights were dimmed & a spotlight fell on me. Odd, I thought.
âTell us about the British class systemâ said a voice.
[TBC]
âTell us about the British class systemâ said a voice.
[TBC]
April turned into May, to June & then July. The eerie quietness of the British spring slowly yielded to a busier summer as the peak of the virus seemed to pass. The prime ministerâs coach & four turned off Whitehall through the gates & into Downing St. A postilion alighted, ..
.. opened the carriage door & unfolded the steps. Sir Jacob in his frock coat stepped down and, without acknowledging the press swarming behind the gates, entered no. 10. Unceremoniously, he summoned his PPS to the cabinet room.
âRupertâ
âYes, prime minister?â
..
âRupertâ
âYes, prime minister?â
..
Rees Mogg flinched.
âExcuse me, yes First Lord?â
âThank you. Whatâs this I hear about the pork bellies.â
âAh, yesâ said Sir Rupert Pinkerton-Smallwinkle âwell itâs the regulations, you see.â
âWhat regulations?â
âThe European Union (harmonisation & alignment) Regulations ..
âExcuse me, yes First Lord?â
âThank you. Whatâs this I hear about the pork bellies.â
âAh, yesâ said Sir Rupert Pinkerton-Smallwinkle âwell itâs the regulations, you see.â
âWhat regulations?â
âThe European Union (harmonisation & alignment) Regulations ..
.. 2020â
âAnd they say what?â
âWe cannot import American pork bellies without prior authorisation from the Commissionâ
âNonsenseâ said Rees-Mogg. âThe regulations say no such thing.â
âSir, the French say they do & the law officers agreeâ.
âThe damned French again! Schedule ..
âAnd they say what?â
âWe cannot import American pork bellies without prior authorisation from the Commissionâ
âNonsenseâ said Rees-Mogg. âThe regulations say no such thing.â
âSir, the French say they do & the law officers agreeâ.
âThe damned French again! Schedule ..
.. another conference for tomorrow at 8 a.m. sharp with the Foreign & Colonial secretary & the First Lord of the Admiraltyâ.
Sir Rupert sighed wearily. Yet another war conference.
âMeanwhileâ Rees-Mogg continued âI am making an order in council now repealing those ..
Sir Rupert sighed wearily. Yet another war conference.
âMeanwhileâ Rees-Mogg continued âI am making an order in council now repealing those ..
.. perfidious regulations en bloc! We will sign the pork bellies order tomorrow!â
âBut Prime .. First Lord, that will create many difficulties. If I may summarise ..â
âNot now Sir Rupert. There is a tide in the affairs of men and all that.â
Perkins, who had been quietly ..
âBut Prime .. First Lord, that will create many difficulties. If I may summarise ..â
âNot now Sir Rupert. There is a tide in the affairs of men and all that.â
Perkins, who had been quietly ..
.. taking notes throughout put up a hand. âExcuse meâ he quavered âmy ink well has run dry. I need to pop out & get some more ink. I am most terribly sorry.â
Rees-Mogg airily waived him away & Perkins left, tip toed down the corridor & lifted the receiver from the hall ..
Rees-Mogg airily waived him away & Perkins left, tip toed down the corridor & lifted the receiver from the hall ..
.. telephone. A few minutes later, somewhere in the bowels of the offices of The Financial Conduct Authority an alert sounded on a desktop. It had detected a significant uptick in purchases of American pork belly futures ...
[TBC]
[TBC]
Rees-Mogg ascended the stairs at no. 10 at the end of a long day. He passed on the way portraits of his illustrious predecessors: Gladstone, Disraeli, Pitt the Elder (unknown to him, this was how his immediate entourage referred to him behind his back), Roseberry ...
.. He reflected on his achievements of the last 3 months. A deeply insecure man of limited imagination & no originality, he had always yearned for an imagined past of imperial greatness & now, as prime minister, he was not going to waste the chance to recreate it. ..
.. The empire was probably at its zenith at the end of the 19th century &, confusing correlation with causation, Rees-Mogg took measures to make England great once more.
He had all computers & similar gadgets removed from no. 10. Only antiquated, two-piece telephones ..
He had all computers & similar gadgets removed from no. 10. Only antiquated, two-piece telephones ..
.. were allowed. Long distance communication could be conducted by telegraph (so he thought, but his staff simply contrived to construct a fictitious world around him while carrying on normally beyond his notice). Fountain pen & ink replaced printer & keyboard. He would ..
.. only read copperplate manuscript documents. He annotated them in red ink which only he could use, usually correcting the grammar & punctuation according to his own rules.
He had drastically cut the cabinet to 19th century proportions, to the chagrin of the third-rate ..
He had drastically cut the cabinet to 19th century proportions, to the chagrin of the third-rate ..
.. whose only prospect of escape from the dreary back benches was thereby quashed.
His domestic policy was simple in concept if not in execution. He planned to dismantle the state almost entirely. There would remain the three armed services, the Bank of England, Treasury, ..
His domestic policy was simple in concept if not in execution. He planned to dismantle the state almost entirely. There would remain the three armed services, the Bank of England, Treasury, ..
.. Foreign & Colonial office & the Home Office. Anything else would have to justify itself.
Foreign policy was also simple - recreation of the empire. He planned to do this by persuasion if possible. He was convinced he could explain to the commonwealth countries, ..
Foreign policy was also simple - recreation of the empire. He planned to do this by persuasion if possible. He was convinced he could explain to the commonwealth countries, ..
.. dependencies & overseas territories that there best interests were to be governed from London. Opposition was to be expected, especially from France & the Americans. The French had already started causing trouble - hence tomorrowâs conference.
He longed for the weekend ..
He longed for the weekend ..
.. & his weekly sojourn in Somerset, especially the drive down.
BEIJING, April
âThe elite class consists of the monarchy & its adherents - the aristocracy, powerless but still clinging on. One must add to this class an entire stratum of fawning, grovelling flunkies ..
BEIJING, April
âThe elite class consists of the monarchy & its adherents - the aristocracy, powerless but still clinging on. One must add to this class an entire stratum of fawning, grovelling flunkies ..
.. & parasites. It is a brainless class of particularly thick people who have not faced any real challenge for several hundred years, unless you count climbing on a horse & charging at the French or Russians.â
Thus I began my analysis of the British class system.
[TBC]
Thus I began my analysis of the British class system.
[TBC]
âBeneath this classâ I continued, âare the billionaires & giant corporates that own & control everything, including the state.â
At this point, one of the committee members interrupted âWhy does this class not destroy the aristocratic class?â
âBecause they aspire to ..
At this point, one of the committee members interrupted âWhy does this class not destroy the aristocratic class?â
âBecause they aspire to ..
.. join it & because the monarchy & its parasites present no threat, having been progressively neutered over time.â I went on: âThen there is the upper middle or managerial class. The senior professionals, leading City figures, politicians & so forth. The dominate ..
.. government, media (especially state media), the judiciary, banks & business.â
I rounded off my answer with a look at the mostly conservative lower middle & working classes, the wealth creators upon whose backs everything is built. And with that I returned to the ..
I rounded off my answer with a look at the mostly conservative lower middle & working classes, the wealth creators upon whose backs everything is built. And with that I returned to the ..
.. compound, enjoying the great privilege of riding with President Xi. âYou knowâ said Xi âyou see things as we see them. We may have need of more than your antibodies.â
[TBC]
[TBC]
London, July
At 8.00 a.m. Rees-Moggâs war cabinet assembled in the war room beneath no. 10 as ordered the day before. Lord Jellicoe of Jutland, First Lord of the Admiralty, & Sir Gavin Williamson, Foreign & Colonial secretary, plus relevant officials.
Williamson ..
At 8.00 a.m. Rees-Moggâs war cabinet assembled in the war room beneath no. 10 as ordered the day before. Lord Jellicoe of Jutland, First Lord of the Admiralty, & Sir Gavin Williamson, Foreign & Colonial secretary, plus relevant officials.
Williamson ..
.. had been promoted after being the only candidate for the post who showed genuine belief in the feasibility of Rees-Moggâs project of restoring the empire. Upon taking up his office he had already written to the heads of various commonwealth governments informing them ..
.. peremptorily of the suspension of their sovereign powers, ordering them to govern provisionally until the King Emperor Andrew (who had succeeded after all his predecessors in the royal line were wiped out by the virus) chose to make clear his further wishes.
These ..
These ..
.. communications were received with raised eyebrows in Delhi, Canberra, Nairobi etc. & urgent diplomatic missions were despatched from their embassies seeking clarification & voicing strongly-worded protests. However, the various governments, having the virus to contend with, ..
.. had assigned little significance to something they regarded as a British aberration which would be clarified in talks.
Jellicoeâs was an even stranger appointment, being based purely on the fact he had inherited his great grandfatherâs title. He has never been in the navy ..
Jellicoeâs was an even stranger appointment, being based purely on the fact he had inherited his great grandfatherâs title. He has never been in the navy ..
.. nor put to sea & knew nothing whatever of naval warfare. Rees-Mogg, however, believed so strongly in the hereditary principle that he considered Jellicoe best suited of all the available candidates. To his credit, Jellicoe had since taken office done his best to ..
.. plug the yawning gap in his knowledge so as not to be entirely useless.
âRightâ said Rees-Mogg, standing over a huge map of France âyou have all read the briefing. The French are acting up again, trying to disrupt our vital Atlantic trade. They must be taught a lesson. ..
âRightâ said Rees-Mogg, standing over a huge map of France âyou have all read the briefing. The French are acting up again, trying to disrupt our vital Atlantic trade. They must be taught a lesson. ..
.. and this time I mean to use force. Williamson?â
âI recommend a nuclear strike, sir. I have already told them to shut up & go away so they canât say they have not been duly warned. We send out the entire Trident fleet & take out Paris, Lyons & Marseilles to begin with & ..
âI recommend a nuclear strike, sir. I have already told them to shut up & go away so they canât say they have not been duly warned. We send out the entire Trident fleet & take out Paris, Lyons & Marseilles to begin with & ..
.. then invite them for talks.â
Jellicoe was aghast. âYou do realise France also has a nuclear arsenal & would be bound to use it in retaliation? Millions would die & our largest cities would be destroyed.â
Williamson, taken aback by the depth of Jellicoeâs insight, replied ..
Jellicoe was aghast. âYou do realise France also has a nuclear arsenal & would be bound to use it in retaliation? Millions would die & our largest cities would be destroyed.â
Williamson, taken aback by the depth of Jellicoeâs insight, replied ..
.. âOh yes. Thatâs actually quite a good point. Perhaps we should reconsider.â
Rees-Moggâs attention meanwhile was focused on Cherbourg. He pointed a bony finger at the map, tapped it 2 or 3 times & said âblockadeâ.
[TBC]
Rees-Moggâs attention meanwhile was focused on Cherbourg. He pointed a bony finger at the map, tapped it 2 or 3 times & said âblockadeâ.
[TBC]
Rees-Mogg explained his idea. As a warning only, the French port would be subjected to naval blockade, reminding the French in a proportionate manner who ruled the waves. Jellicoe interjected âbut sir, all our ships are scattered across the globe as part of the gunboat ..
.. diplomacy policy you adopted in order to chivvy the commonwealth countries back into the empire.â
âAll?â replied Rees-Mogg.
âYesâ said Jellicoe. âWe even have King Emperor Andrew due to dock in Delhi on the royal RORO ferry.â
Williamson chimed in - âWe still have ..
âAll?â replied Rees-Mogg.
âYesâ said Jellicoe. âWe even have King Emperor Andrew due to dock in Delhi on the royal RORO ferry.â
Williamson chimed in - âWe still have ..
.. something up our sleeve. Just leave this to me.â
âAlrightâ said Rees-Mogg âbut we say nothing to the French until the blockade is in place.â Jellicoe kept his reservations to himself.
After some days went by without hearing anything from the French, Rees-Mogg started to ..
âAlrightâ said Rees-Mogg âbut we say nothing to the French until the blockade is in place.â Jellicoe kept his reservations to himself.
After some days went by without hearing anything from the French, Rees-Mogg started to ..
.. become anxious. What WERE they up to? They must have noticed the stranglehold by now. Why had they not asked for talks? Against his inclinations, Rees-Mogg put a call through to the Elysee & after a short delay President Macron came on the line.
âBonjour Jacob!â he said ..
âBonjour Jacob!â he said ..
.. warmly. âHow nice to hear from you. What do you wish to speak about?â
Rees-Mogg, who disliked being mocked, replied âyou know perfectly well, Emanuelâ.
âI assure you I do not!â
âCherbourgâ said Rees-Mogg
âWhat about it?â
âWe have shut it down.â
The president was nonplussed ..
Rees-Mogg, who disliked being mocked, replied âyou know perfectly well, Emanuelâ.
âI assure you I do not!â
âCherbourgâ said Rees-Mogg
âWhat about it?â
âWe have shut it down.â
The president was nonplussed ..
.. âNobody has told me. I had better look into it. Can I call you back?â
âYes, you do thatâ answered Rees-Mogg.
âMay I ask - why, assuming it to be the case, you have taken this drastic action?â
âYou know perfectly wellâ sniffed Rees-Mogg âbut since you insist upon ..
âYes, you do thatâ answered Rees-Mogg.
âMay I ask - why, assuming it to be the case, you have taken this drastic action?â
âYou know perfectly wellâ sniffed Rees-Mogg âbut since you insist upon ..
.. being obtuse, itâs those pork bellies.â
âAahâ, said Macron. âI thought we were due to discuss those at the next summit.â
âQuite, but meanwhile you have chosen to disrupt an important trade link of oursâ.
âBut the regulations - â began Macron, before hearing the line go ..
âAahâ, said Macron. âI thought we were due to discuss those at the next summit.â
âQuite, but meanwhile you have chosen to disrupt an important trade link of oursâ.
âBut the regulations - â began Macron, before hearing the line go ..
.. dead.
âHervĂ©â he said. âGet me the Cherbourg harbour master on the phone, would you?â The secretary did as asked & a rather surprised & intimidated Hercule Dubois soon found himself addressing his president. âDubois, is it?â âYes, Monsieur le Presidentâ.
âTell me, ..
âHervĂ©â he said. âGet me the Cherbourg harbour master on the phone, would you?â The secretary did as asked & a rather surprised & intimidated Hercule Dubois soon found himself addressing his president. âDubois, is it?â âYes, Monsieur le Presidentâ.
âTell me, ..
.. would you, is there anything I should know about the port?â
âNo sirâ.
âNothing at all?â
âNo sir, nothing. Except ..â
âWhat?â
âWell, itâs a little odd but while ships have been coming & going normally we have noticed splotches of white paint on the arrivals.â
âWhite paint?â ..
âNo sirâ.
âNothing at all?â
âNo sir, nothing. Except ..â
âWhat?â
âWell, itâs a little odd but while ships have been coming & going normally we have noticed splotches of white paint on the arrivals.â
âWhite paint?â ..
.. âYes sir. It washes off & causes no harm so we have attached no importance to it.â
Macron thanked Dubois & called Rees-Mogg to tell him what his enquiries had uncovered. Rees-Moggâs head sunk into his hand. He thanked the president & sent for Williamson.
âWilliamsonâ he ..
Macron thanked Dubois & called Rees-Mogg to tell him what his enquiries had uncovered. Rees-Moggâs head sunk into his hand. He thanked the president & sent for Williamson.
âWilliamsonâ he ..
.. said âtell me about the craft we have been employing in the Cherbourg blockade.â
âTwo naval cutters, sir. Fine, sea keeping vessels we have kept up our sleeve!â
âAnd their armament?â
âPaint ball guns, sirâ.
âPaint ball guns.â
âYes, First Lordâ.
âYou have been firing ..
âTwo naval cutters, sir. Fine, sea keeping vessels we have kept up our sleeve!â
âAnd their armament?â
âPaint ball guns, sirâ.
âPaint ball guns.â
âYes, First Lordâ.
âYou have been firing ..
.. paintballs at blockade runners expecting them to stop.â
âNot just that. We also hail them & issue orders. So far the blighters have chosen to run the gauntlet but our presence will soon take effect, I am sure of it. They are mostly ferries leaving from Portsmouth ..
âNot just that. We also hail them & issue orders. So far the blighters have chosen to run the gauntlet but our presence will soon take effect, I am sure of it. They are mostly ferries leaving from Portsmouth ..
.. as a matter of fact.â
âThank you Williamson. End the blockade now, would you? Thereâs a good chap. And say nothing of it to anyone.â
Williamson, somewhat mystified, scuttled off merrily enough. Rees-Mogg sank into an armchair & covered his face. It was weekend & time ..
âThank you Williamson. End the blockade now, would you? Thereâs a good chap. And say nothing of it to anyone.â
Williamson, somewhat mystified, scuttled off merrily enough. Rees-Mogg sank into an armchair & covered his face. It was weekend & time ..
.. for his weekly jaunt down to Somerset, thank goodness. He didnât think he could take much more of the frustration.
Perkins, who had been taking notes, used the opportunity to head for the hall telephone. Perhaps shorting the pound in anticipation of Anglo-French ..
Perkins, who had been taking notes, used the opportunity to head for the hall telephone. Perhaps shorting the pound in anticipation of Anglo-French ..
.. hostilities had not been one of his better tips. He might have some explaining to do.
Thus began & ended our first war against the old enemy for above 200 years. And the French had not even noticed.
[TBC]
Thus began & ended our first war against the old enemy for above 200 years. And the French had not even noticed.
[TBC]
Part Three begins here:
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https://twitter.com/clivewismayer/status/1269376925769883648?s=21">https://twitter.com/clivewism... https://twitter.com/CliveWismayer/status/1269376925769883648">https://twitter.com/CliveWism...